Let Mel Kiper's Hair, a.k.a. the Vomiting, Begin; or How Draft Coverage Will Take Over Your Life Whether You Want it to Or Not

You know. Just as sure as you're sitting there, the four-letter network (and perhaps the HoG) will continue to soon bombard you with more draft coverage than you could possibly ever desire in one lifetime, let alone a week. No one can really put a finger on when it started, how it developed, or why it really matters that much. I ask you, dear readers, to ask yourselves, "Would life as a huge/borderline-overdevoted NFL fan really be that different if you just plain watched the draft?

Notice I said readers, Cecil. I know you've been rubbin' 'em out left and right with each new draft website and/or magazine you discover. Honestly though. When draft day weekend comes, teams do what teams do, and that's all part of the excitement. When clubs swap spots, finnagle for picks, barter for trades, that's exciting. It's our tiny little window to look into the still-behind-the-scenes behind-the-scenes action that is the National Football League.

Every year, I ask myself the same question. How was't that thou were't blessed with such large membrage Why does it really matter what 147 different "experts" from around the nation think might happen? I guess, to a degree, I understand lining up some of the first rounders. Some. But, for Pete's (do we know who this Pete guy really was? The Disciple? The former Royals infielder LaCock -- great name --? Charlie Hustle himself?) sake, lay off the draft prediction sauce. I'm begging you. E-motha'fuckin'-nough, already. Let us watch some good April baseball, some playoff hockey (okay, sometimes "us" means everyone, sometimes it means a dozen or more, or fewer), some first round NBA playoffs even.

Maybe I'm the only one that feels that way. Don't get me wrong. I'm stoked for draft day weekend. I love knowing who my team's new players are. I adore developing my own opinion on whether or not they addressed the roster areas that needed attention. I just don't need to think about it six weeks in advance. We don't devote this much energy to who will be the five-man rotation for each club come opening day. We don't pay even a shrivel of this much attention to any other sport's drafts. Hell, you read about those events in the paper the next day. The NFL draft is a complete crapshoot, too if you look at all involved. What's the percentage of drafted guys that make it through camp, are on the squad come opening day, and have a significant career with that team? Or some other team, if they're traded. So let's say significant career period.

Sure. Significant is subjective. Either way, I'm sure someone has crunched these numbers. So, raise your hand, point me in the direction of said research, and let's discuss. 'Cause I ain't researchin'. I will, however, continue -- quite arrogantly, I might add -- to pound home my point, and whole-heartedly disagree with yours. Bring it. Or consider it brought. Or just wait for more pictures of scarcely clad females on We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday. Whatevah. All's fair in sports and breasteses.

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