Friday Funnies: AFC Inc(W)est?

I'm not sure whether or not to rally the now-dead Tony DiPardo TD Pack Band or quote some Rick O'Casek. Well, okay. I really do: "Let them brush your rock n' roll hair (Josh McD), let the good times roll."

Stuff's gettin' weird around here, no doubt. I mean, the Kansas City Chiefs went on a near-five-week hush operation while trying to figure out who would replace Carl Peterson as general manager. In the midst of that, the Denver Broncos Shana-can the Rat. Then speculations of the Chiefs hiring New England Patriots Vice President of Player Personnel Scott Pioli circulate, and there were rumors about him being here, being there, being interviewed, what have you. Adam Teicher of The Kansas City Star then reports that all of those rumors were false. Then the rumors built steam again, and there were a few that suggested that Pioli would be coming in and bringing Patriots Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels with him.

The Broncos then hire McDaniels; the Chiefs hire Pioli. Denver wastes no time getting Mike Nolan as defensive coordinator, and the Chiefs revert to mum with anything associated with the status of their coaches.

All the while, us pavement-pounding House of Georges beat writers cover this material -- or as they say about Blogtopia, report what the media has already published with our whizzy links and ripped-off photos -- only to find out that this esteemed crew of professional, paid journalists is ripping off our efforts. Then, in a seeming whirlwind, I quote one of my colleagues regarding the nature of special teams, and as I'm still combing my wind-smattered hair, the Broncos are preparing to announce that they'll hire Chiefs Special Teams Coach Mike Priefer.

Now, just yesterday morning, some of the TalkRadios spoke of how the NFL prohibits lateral moves among teams. I suppose that's a good rule, one that avoids coach pirating. So, wouldn't this fall into that category?

Ah. I see. The Broncos have a way around this:

"Priefer has a year left on his contract in Kansas City, but the Broncos are expected to give him the title of special-teams coordinator, so the move would be a promotion and, thus, one Priefer would be able to make."

Don't be mistaken. I'm not angry about this possibility. I am freakin' stoked. You can look here and see that, based on Rick Gosselin's 2007 numbers, that would be a three-slot improvement for Denver. A 2008 fantasy-style pre-season look shows that the Broncos make the top 20. The Chiefs do not. I'm sure, somewhere on these CyberWebs, there's a list of the 2008 special teams rank, but I cannot find it. Suffice to say, that if the Broncos feel that Priefer's an improvement, I'm a believer. Not necessarily because I believe them, but because that unit, title promotion or not, will be a total disaster.

Since this shit has gotten so bizarre, I can't imagine what will happen next. Jon Gruden's out of work. He could come to the Chiefs, I suppose. It's either that or in an undying fit of wound mendage, Al Davis convinces Chucky and the Rat to come work for him. How'd that be for a GM/head coach tandem. I can barely picture the faces...
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More Wankery

Got my Pro Football Weekly draft book today. And we all know what that means: I'm a massive nerd with nothing constructive to do.

But you all look the other way and leave me sans swirlie. Because someone has to do the dirty work of wading through page after page of largely meaningless information about a group of uncurious millionaires-to-be, and you're all just glad it's not you. Lazy fuckers.

Anyway, here are some lower-profile guys the Broncos and Chefs should look at taking in the upcoming draft. Sleepers, if you will. And we all know you will.


First, JC's squad:

Jerome Simpson, WR Coastal Carolina

We needed another wideout anyway, and after the McDonald's bag/horseplay/15 quaaludes, bondage models and gunfire incident, that's only become more obvious. This long-armed small school player has great hands, a ton of production and was disciplined for screaming obscenities at another team's bench. Our guy, right there.

Andre Fluellen, DT Florida State

It may be stretching things to say this guy's out of the spotlight, since he played for Coach Methuselah in front of the trollops in cowboy gear, but since people think he's a one-note Johnny, a real puckering lemon, a trombone in sansabelt slacks, he's being undervalued. He's smaller but quick, and if you can get pass rush pressure from the inside in a 4-3 defense, you don't suck as badly as the Broncos did last year.

Craig Stevens, TE California

This isn't an area of need, really, since it's probably the team's strongest position. But you can never have enough big-assed fellows who like to mash it up in the run game, which is Stevens' strength. And since Tedford doesn't seem to like throwing passes to the tight end, he might have been misevaluated. But PFW says "tends to cradle-catch," which sounds creepy. So who really knows?

Mike McGlynn, OL Pittsburgh

Blue-collar gritty hard workin' overachiever with a mean streak and sand in his pants and a wide base whom the game means a lot to and who just happens to have grown up as a Broncos fan.

And those Chefs from KC, marinating in their own special rub of desperation and mediocrity:

King Dunlap, OL Auburn

The guy is freaking enormous--6'8" and a half, 310 pounds--and agile for his size. He also played in a big program against the best defensive players in the nation. And he's named King. He's not the first one in his family, either: his father is King IV and was drafted by the Baltimore Colts in '69, leading to the inevitable (and totally ridiculous) talk of "NFL bloodlines." Be warned, though: PFW says he's not a naileater, whatever that means. I actually think that's a good thing, but what do I know about scouting?

Jason Shirley, DT Fresno State

Every year, some kid comes out of Fresno State who just ate all the fucking pizzas. Why so many earth movers from the Bulldogs? Is it the agricultural chemicals? The latest is Shirley, who checks in at a shrimpy 6'5" and a quarter, 338 pounds. Yoiks. He's an underachieving waste of talent thus far, but Herm wants a challenge, right? Right?

Brad Cottam, TE Tennessee

He's kind of a mystery, because he barely played in college--he was hurt for most of his senior year, and evidently a lot early on because he only played in three games from '03-'05. But he's 6'7", agile for his size and blew it up at the combine, so he's worth taking a 4th round chance on. After all, the second best tight end in history can't play forever

Simeon Castille, DB Alabama

Folks 'round these parts, i.e. me, say he's gonna move to safety because he lacks the speed to be an NFL cover guy, but he did play corner in the SEC for four years--even picked off Cutler twice in '05. And versatility is never a bad thing in the bold new world of NFL labor unrest, where every roster spot is worth its weight in some kind of mildly precious metal. He's also the son of former Bronco Jeremiah Castille, whom true believers will recall as the guy who stripped Ernest Byner at the 2-yard line in the '87 AFC Championship game. Bloodlines, you know.
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