Breakfast In Augusta, Day 2

Once the dust settled from Thursday's first round, a few things became evident. One is that this course is a brutal bitch. Only nine of the world's best players broke par on a dry day with moderate wind. The National's efforts to lengthen and "Tiger-proof" their track seem to have resulted in a true challenge for a major championship.

Another revelation, from the scores of the Masters Invitational, is that Darren Clarke will single-handedly steal your money. The ruddy Irishman posted an 83, devastating the chances of the unlucky three who picked and started him in their groups.

Kids, you should have seen this coming. Clarke's wife died last year, and he reacted as most of the Irish would: by going on massive benders and not showing up for work. And his "job" is playing golf--tough gig. The dude's a mess. Plus, he attended Wake Forest, and with one exception those guys are colossal failures.

Bringing up the rear of all Invitational participants was ol' Mayor McVesco at 25-over. Team G-Hole not only featured Clarke but historic choke-artist Sergio Garcia. We may never know why the Mayor holds such a lifelong crush on Serge, or maybe we do.

Two-time defending champ Arvada Schwag leads at +4, with yours truly a stroke behind. I will win, even if I have to send the Schwag to the hospital with life-threatening infections. What? Too soon?

They're back on the course, check back throughout the day for updates and breaking news regarding the cut.

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Tiger Woods' Ball Spotter

Although this commercial is now seven years old, its ultimate bad-assness continues to thrive, making it worth an appearance on the HoG. Apparently, this is also the case with the "beloved" Masters Tournament and one Tiger Woods. Tiger's first Augusta National victory came a few years prior to Synchronicity's (unofficial dubbing of the commercial) initial airing, and, after allowing Lefty to nab the green jacket last year, el Tigre looks to return to his ways of winning. Perhaps, if Senor Woods gets off to a poor start, he can reach deep into his bag of tees, and try to pull out something really manly. If he discovers no tricks, he may have to baste his balls with an extra coat of the top-secret, special meast moistener. That always works for my game. Regardless of how Tiger's game goes, I'm really, really looking forward to the HoG's exciting coverage of the fantasy version of this highly esteemed tourney. Dee-lish.

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