Friday Fiction Fix: "There's a Maniac Loose Out There"

When the week 16s of the NFL seasons roll along, teams can typically be broken down into three categories: 1) in, 2) out, and 3) bubble. While the first two are self-explanatory, it is the last that's most intriguing. There are sub-categories of this third section: the control-their-own-destiny kind, and the hoping-for-the-inevitable variety. This Sunday, two AFC teams will embody one of each said sub-category. The Denver Broncos plan to reign in their fate with a home win -- sure to be chock full of mom's original recipes -- over the hot-and-cold Buffalo Bills, their key to a division title and a playoff berth. Down in Florida, however, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers will host Marmalard and the Norv Turner-led San Diego Super Chargers. Marm' an Co. are a special variety of category three, a perpetual hybrid of both sub-categories: they need to win out, and they're banking on a Bills win to do so. I've already voiced how I'd like to see this all go down, and sure -- it could be conceived as childish, ridonculous, even. The beauty, though, is that I don't care; I know that no matter who claims the throne of the West, that club will get annihilated in the post-season, and I will take joy in said maiming. As with any game, however, there are some x-factors to consider, and we'll look at them after the jump.

Kurt Vonnegut needs no introduction. He was one of the best writers in contemporary American fiction. Before his death in April of last year, he published more than a dozen novels and nearly as many short-story and essay collections. Today's excerption comes form one of those, and it is called Wampeters Foma & Granfalloons, which was first published by Dell Publishing in 1965. The CyberNets have a plethora of information on Mr. Vonnegut, but if you need to look it up, you likely aren't interested in this feature, or still reading this anyway. Without further ado...

"Jack the Ripper used to get compliments on the way he dissected...'It is stated that some...skill seems to have been displayed...' said the London Times...



It couldn't have taken too long to do...



...The details are horrible and pitiful and sickening..."

There are of course two sides to every football team and game.

"My nineteen-year-old daughter Edith knows...



...She met him during a crazy summer she spent on her own...knew him well enough to receive and decline an invitation he evidently extended to many girls: 'Come and see my marijuana patch.'



There really was a marijuana patch for girls to see...a modest one...

...I myself have spoken to a few young people about the...scene, have put this question to them:" How have the Broncos managed to win eight football games this year?

"The answer, invariably: 'Speed.'"

Enter "Mr. Allen...a retired newspaperman who has" been asked to prognosticate how this game will go down. "He has 1100 pages...so far.

Nowhere in all those pages, he told me, is there the slightest hint of how or why...Nobody can imagine...

...He was polite but uncommunicative. At one point, though,...He said this: 'There's a maniac loose out there.'"



There is of course another factor to this game. A factor that takes the form of a man who "finds the culture of the young...so different from his own that he often sounds like an anthropologist far from home..."



It is quite possible that this man believes that "Among the young,...Authority is despised because of it cruel stupidities in pot busts and slums...



...Participants in the culture commonly refer to themselves as 'freaks.'...

...Freaks are worth money to the businessman...



...Thousands...come...to gawk at them -- and to gawk at all the shameless, happy, homosexuals..."



Well, Mr. Vonnegut's story continues as one that keeps the reader on the proverbial edge of the seat, much like I'm sure this contest Sunday in Denver will do. The thing to remember is that there is a maniac loose out there. According to CBSsportsline.com, he's "ready to make his first start in three weeks" and that he aims to "try to spark a bumbling offense and prove he's capable of shedding the inconsistencies in his game."

That's today's fix. Short but sweet. This Vonnegut delight can be purchased here.