Open Letter to the Lord Our Savior

Dear God:

Please. I beg of you: make me a bird so I can fly far, far away from this place. If these are our Offensive Coordinator candidates,





I don't think I could go on living life as a human/football fan.

Why, O father of Christ, you might wonder, would I wish for something so permanent? Well, after the jump, I will tell you precisely why the re-definition of "pain" and of "suffering" would be brutally unleashed upon the middle west if the Kansas City Chiefs were to ink a deal with any of these men.

You see, the truth of the matter is that none of these esteemed gentlemen suck any less than the rest. Nor do they suck more. But ultimately, they just plain suck.

No, wait -- please here me out. I don't want Paul Hackett or even Mike Shula (that would just be too much good ol' boy to handle). I want someone new. Someone fresh. And someone good. Is that too much to ask?

I really don't think it is. If I'm wrong, however, I'd like to be an albatross. Thanks for listening.