Tradition Tuesday: Postcards Tweets from Camp

The rough focus of this blog is the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Denver Broncos, but you already know that. Cecil has checked in from camp Denver, also known as Dove Valley, and since that's only 50 per cent of the Iron Triangle, it's time for the other half -- Camp KC, or River Falls -- to touch base with an enthralling look at just what's been going on up in Wisconsin.

Join us, if you please, after the jump.

If you're so inclined, you can follow the Chiefs with updates from camp courtesy of this blog here. Take heed, however, if you follow these fellas on Twitter and have your mobile phone alerts activated. Your shit will be blowing the eff up. So, here're a dozen pictures for you to peep just what's been goin' on in Camp Chief.



rookie hazing



mr. nice guy speaks



fat guys stretch



matt cassel tosses a ball, looking like his crotch is on fire



he's no tony gonzalez, but brad cottam is the tight end, which makes him the new sleeper in town



the inverted-vagina symbol leaps over a phantom tackler



nice visor, dude. jesus...



i was pretty certain that mullets like that were outlawed in wisconsin in 1976. apparently not



our other tight end, a.k.a. visor boy #2



d-bowe and bobby engram are our wideouts. yay.



more hazing



oh, wait. it's all good. we signed amani toomer. whew.



oh. right. and jeff webb. coulda sworn we cut that cursed herm pick.

That's it. We now return you to your regularly scheduled, aptly punctuated, bloggery. On your way out, stop and see what we all apparently miss from football.
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Training Camp is Here; or, A Brief Analysis Concerning America's One Completely Steroid-Free Professional Sport

Training camp is here, 'raaaayyyy. Normally I'd have been quivering with excitement for the last two weeks, but this year it almost snuck up on me, because I had to actually start working for a living again. Lemme tell you, nothing cramps your style like work. You have to wear pants and shit.

This time last year we Broncos fans were champing at the bit to see more of Jay Cutler and Travis Henry, of Dwayne Robertson and Jarvis Moss. Bob Slowik was our third defensive coordinator in three years, and we'd looked pretty bad in '07, but it had to be better, right? Just had to.

A calendar forward and we're itching to find out what we've got with...Kyle Orton and Jabar Gaffney. We're looking for info on Ryan McBean and Ronald Fields. Mike Nolan is our fourth defensive coordinator in four years, and holy fuck did we look awful in '08. But it's gotta be better, yes? How can it be any worse?

It's my completely homeriffic opinion that it will not be worse.

Mind you, I base that on exactly nothing. The front seven could easily be as bad as last year's version, for one thing, and maybe Elvis Dumervil can't transition to becoming a pass-rushing 3-4 linebacker--he has never, according to Kiszla's column today, dropped into coverage before. Excellent. Jarvis Moss is already thinking about retiring from football, and Tim Crowder--proud grad of Texas University, Ol' No. 7's favorite bastion of higher ed--got stomped out by Peyton Hillis in one-on-one tackling drills to the point where he didn't get off the ground for a few minutes. Those three guys represent a good portion of our potential outside LB staff. Ay yi yi.

We don't have a nose tackle, at least, not yet. Maybe Ronald Fields, who backed up in San Francisco, can take the reins, or maybe a youngster like Carlton Powell or Chris Baker will step up. But that's asking a lot, especially for a young player--defensive linemen, as I'll mutter under my breath many times this season, need a few years to develop. Unless they were drafted by Mike Shanahan, in which case you can just flush them down the toilet immediately.

Anyway, that's the reality-based viewpoint. The homeriffic one:

We had become dangerously undersized up front the last few years. As much as I like Elvis, he's a situational guy. You can't be throwing him into run support all game, you'll neutralize his strengths. Shanny had his favorites that would stick around from year to year for whatever reason (John "Mr. Worthless" Engelberger) the objects of his free agency/trading affections (Robertson) and draft picks that were either a bad fit or couldn't play dead (Moss, Crowder), but they all had one thing in common--there was no rhyme or reason as to *why* they were there. The decisions that brought them aboard were reactionary--whether it was because different coordinators came through and wanted different players, as the story went with Bates and the Moss pick, or because Shanny had a habit of falling in and out of love with players and schemes, I dunno. In any case, it made for a mess.

And it was only made worse by the presence of Bob Slowik. Slowik is the guy that epitomizes the late-period Shanahan era: not qualified for any reason beyond his own longtime relationship with Mike, a "company man" who wouldn't make noise and wouldn't demand a say in personnel. In short, a mouthpiece, a cipher. Even worse, a defensive coach without any imagination or huevos. Bates was a mess, yes, but Slowik was a drunk driving on a busy holiday sidewalk. Mike Nolan is a competent defensive coach who will impress his charges by looking stern and wearing a tie.

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Tradition Tuesday: Packing for Camp With or Without Draft Picks

The rough focus of this blog is the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs (heralded by Bankmeister) and the Denver Broncos (championed by Cecil and Old No. 7). It may seem unfair that it's two versus one, but once KC gets that second Super Bowl win we'll even out the delegation.

Seven years ago we started The Tradition, in which Bronco fans travel out to the Truman Sports Complex with their team, and Chief-lovers return to the Rocky Mountains with theirs. We tailgate, we talk massive amounts of shit, our wives are occasionally assaulted by rival fans, and we almost always watch the visiting team lose. It's grand old time.

Here at the HoG, we're going to keep The Tradition going with Tradition Tuesday--a weekly state-of-the-rivalry address.

The proprietor of a snazzy little outfit called Steamworks Brewing Company in Durango, CO, once told me that one day he woke up and realized that his life was split into two halves: football season and not football season. And it occurred to me that, not only was that a brilliant statement, but it applied to me as well. Kudos to him for his wisdom and for offering me and Old No. 7 employment during the heart of our illustrious academic undergraduate careers at THE Fort Lewis College.

At week's end, The HoG's beloved Denver Broncos and Kansas City Chiefs (I suppose the 30 other not-as-savory teams in the National Football League will follow trend) will head for their respective training camps. At the time the statement was uttered by the Steamworks icon, I didn't really consider football season to be football season until, at very least, pre-season games began. Now, however, the HoG staff in its entirety, hungrily devour the draft, training camp commencement, and of course, the regular-season contests.



The Broncos will make the painstaking jaunt south to the outer confines of Englewood, Colorado. Their camp can be found spittin' distance from I-25 on Arapahoe, which is apparently the same as the corner of Potomac and Broncos Parkway. Their camp sessions are free and open to the public, and will run from July 29-Aug. 4 and from Aug. 6-11. Their we talkin' 'bout practice schedule looks a little something like this:

Sunday, July 29
8:30 a.m.
3:50 p.m.

Monday, July 30
8:30 a.m.
3:40 p.m. (Special Teams)

Tuesday, July 31
8:30 a.m.
3:50 p.m.

Wednesday, August 1
8:30 a.m.
3:40 p.m. (Special Teams)

Thursday, August 2
8:30 a.m.
3:50 p.m.

Friday, August 3
8:30 a.m.
3:40 p.m. (Special Teams)

Saturday, August 4
8:30 a.m.
3:50 p.m.

Monday, August 6
8:30 a.m.
3:50 p.m.

Tuesday, August 7
8:30 a.m.
3:40 p.m. (Special Teams)

Wednesday, August 8
8:30 a.m.
3:50 p.m.

Thursday, August 9
8:30 a.m.
3:40 p.m. (Special Teams)

Friday, August 10
8:30 a.m.
3:50 p.m.

Saturday, August 11
8:30 a.m.

Monday, August 13
Preseason game at San Francisco
5 p.m. PDT,

and like most things, is subject to change.

The Broncos' free-agency acquistions (not-so-gracefully whined about here by yours truly)will be joining fourth-round selection Marcus Thomas (defensive tackle out of the University of Florida) as new members of team Predominantly Orange.

(Editor's Note: Thomas was the Broncos final selection of the 2007 draft; they sent this year's sixth- and seventh-rounders, along with next year's third-round pick, to Minnesota in order to acquire him. This transaction, in Head Coach Mike Shanahan's mind, was not steep if Thomas is still on the roster down the road. Ingenious.)

Still unsigned are: third-round selection Ryan Harris, offensive tackle from Notre Dame (Note: Go Irish); second-round selection Tim Crowder, defensive end from the University of Texas; and first-rounder Jarvis Moss, defensive end from the University of Florida.

The Kansas City Chiefs, however, head north; they must escape the grueling humidity of KC summer, and therefore, will travel a bit further. The University of Wisconsin-River Falls, in fact. This will be the Chiefs 17th year utilizing the campus facilities, and their schedule looks a bit like this:

Thursday, July 26th: Depart for Training Camp
Friday, July 27th: Begin camp
Friday, August 3rd: Practice with Minnesota Vikings -- Mankato, MN
Saturday, August 4th: Practice with Minnesota Vikings -- River Falls, WI
Wednesday, Auguest 8th: Family Fun Night -- River Falls
Saturday, August 11th: Kansas City at Cleveland -- Cleveland Browns Stadium
Wednesday, August 15th: Break Camp
Thursday, August 16th: Kansas City vs. Miami -- Arrowhead Stadium
Thursday, August 23rd: Kansas City vs. New Orleans -- Arrowhead Stadium
Thursday, August 30th: Kansas City at St. Louis -- Edward Jones Dome,

and the Chiefs have been kind enough to say that more information on practice times, dates, and camp policies will be released at a later date. Seeing as how the team leaves in two days, I'm curious as to what that date will be. The Broncos were thorough and prepared enough to remind fans: to get to the Valley early enough due to limited parking; not to use cell phones unless outside the fenced area; what size chairs would be permitted; that still cameras are acceptable, etc., etc. But whatever.

The Chiefs made some free agent signings as well, most notably: linebacker Napoleon Harris from the Minnesota Vikings; tackle Damion McIntosh from the Miami Dolphins; linebacker Donnie Edwards from the San Diego Chargers, and a bunch of other corners and linebackers who may or may not make the cut.

Joining these new Chiefs in camp will be: fifth-round pick Kolby Smith, running back from Louisville; second-rounder Claude "Turk" McBride, defensive tackle from Tennessee; third-round selection DeMarcus "Tank" Tyler (Note: my cat comes up with better nicknames for my dog's stool), defensive tackle from North Carolina State; but not: seventh-rounder Michael Allan, tight end, Whitworth; sixth-round snag Herb Taylor, tackle from TCU; fifth-round kicker Justin Medlock, UCLA (Note: really? The kicker's holding out?); and first-rounder Dwayne Bowe, wide receiver, LSU.

Here's what I don't get from NFL squads these days: Why are your effin' picks not signed yet? We've sort of gotten used to first-rounders being greedy bastards and not making it to camp on time. But look at these two teams. The Broncos start camp on Saturday; they have one of four signed. The Chiefs leave town Thursday; they have three of seven signed. Combined, that's one team's entire draft. What's going on here? If this is the trend that's developing, why do we even care if other players threaten to hold out until they get fat new contracts?

If Chiefs running back Larry Johnson isn't going to report to camp, why would anyone bat an eye? Why not say, "Dude, half the rookies aren't going to be there, and we need them to be, so go kick it with Jay-Z, homes." I thought camp was crucial to a team's potential for building success. This trend is utterly redonculous.

Supposedly, this stuff will work itself out like it always does. The HoG, however, will have dropped the better part of ten green benjamins by week's end on Tradition-related expenses, a.k.a. tickets. Bankmeister (Note: yes, I'm pulling a Rickey Henderson) wants to see D-Bowe scoring touchdowns at AmVesCap. Seven and Cecil are hungry for Crowder to sack Brodie Croyle Damon Huard at Arrowhead.

This stuff is infuriating. Sort of. In fact, if these picks -- all seven of them -- are not in their respective camps by week's end, the HoG may very well boycott the NFL this year.

Update: No we won't.
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