Don't Hate, Inaugurate

All right, kids, we made it. To quote Gerald Ford, our long national nightmare is over. Out in Arizona the joy produced by the Cardinals' run has masked the pain of John McCain's crushing defeat. In Pittsburgh, citizens are taking a break from the customary Tuesday-morning incest to monitor our peaceful transfer of power. It's Inauguration Day, so feel free to ignore your shitty job for the next couple hours and tune in to your country.

This will be the last time this blog zooms in on D.C., I promise--unless the Washington Nationals make a Rays-like run to the World Series. If you are politically disengaged I'm sure you're sick and tired of listening to three biased Democrats prattle on about our big victory last November. But for one last day, you're stuck with our crap.

Consider yourself Barackuppied.

When your team wins a championship (listen up Kansas City, this may seem weird), the time lapse between that win and the ultimate celebration are pretty short. You win the Super Bowl on Sunday, you throw a parade on Tuesday. Sure, there are little reminders throughout the year--you might visit the White House, get your rings or raise a banner at your first home game of the following season. But you're the champs from the get-go.

Winning a presidential election is far more deliberate, but immensely more satisfying if you back the right horse. I never back the right horse. I was a Howard Dean guy in 2004, and a Bill Bradley fan in 2000. Bill Clinton ran the first year I was eligible to vote, and I was on board with Bubba, but that election and administration was an exercise in political pragmatism. If you've ever voted, you know you're almost always picking the lesser of two evils.

I suppose plenty of people felt that way last November, that either Obama was slightly less offensive than another creaky Republican, or that McCain was slightly more palatable than the inexperienced whackjob liberal Muslim. I, of course, saw it differently, and I'm of the opinion that we've elected someone who has a legitimate chance to be seen as a great president, the kind of leader that will one day require a monument of his own on the National Mall so packed with Americans right now.

I know the challenges our country faces right now are daunting, and that it's very probable that because of them Obama's presidency will be seen as a failure no matter how qualified or intelligent he may be. That's the lonely price of the office. You're either a legend or a bum, particularly in times of national crisis--wars, recessions, in this case both.

We use a phrase around here, kind of a motto: Don't Hate, Matriculate. Hell, we've even emblazoned it on 100 % cotton T-shirts, which are available for the low, low post-holiday clearance price of $12. It's a play on the malapropistic articulism of old dead Chiefs coach Hank Stram, combined with the spirit of cooperation and tolerance that allows Broncos fans and Chiefs fans to blog together in harmony. You might say it's the sports equivalent of bipartisanship, or deep interracial love.

So join us, America. Even if you voted for McCain (racist). Or you supported Hillary in the primaries (moron). Let's all join hands and celebrate the fact that we won and you lost. And for the next four years you hopeless sandbaggers can kiss our ass.
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We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Beneath the Roots of Grass, Even

It won't do any good for me to try and come up with some words to describe yesterday, last night, and the aftermath of it all. In sum, I'm outright impressed. From the correctly predicted voter turnout to the way those voters' ballots turned out to the speeches from both senators, it was all pretty mindblowing. Even the fact that Missouri showed everyone that they're still a bunch of abandoned-car, bass-ackwards bumpkins blew my mind. Most of all, the campaign efforts floored me. I only know of a handful, but those volunteers worked their butts off, and up until last night, I couldn't shake this miserly feeling that it would all, in the end, be for naught. Thank Christ, though, for the amazing results that real grassroots politicking produced. It seems to me that the Obama '08 campaign went even deeper than grassroots. Throw in all of the cliches: no stone left unturned, in every nook and cranny, etc. The bottom line is that yes, America. Yes we did. And that wouldn't have happened without many a spectacular citizen. And yes, we have examples of some of them, after the jump.


Ariana Armani



The list of various positions held by the various volunteers in this campaign is endless.



There were folks in charge of wardrobe,



decor, and fashion.



Amy Grove



There were campaigners in charge of monitoring the progress of red (states).



And that task requires a strong back, of course.



It's thankless and enduring,



and often requires the shirt off your back.



Such tedious work demands appropriate positioning around the clock.

Amy Leigh Andrews



There were people needed for moral support,



someone to remind the officials of the need to occasionally sit, take a load off.

Amanda Wright



And someone had to head up the department of watching over the sneaky enemy.



There were constantly spies everywhere, perpetually standing in the doorway.



Each member of the support staff recognizes the significance of turning one's back, even for a moment.



An alleged ally can be all smiles,



but secretly be covering something up.



That's why it's best to make sure every staff person has his/her i's dotted,



t's crossed,



and is willing to bare it all for the cause.

Amber Smith



Along the way there are folks who simply emit a sense of strength.



They can be counted on to be direct, straight to the point,



and have a knack for deliverance with a flair.



Though the ride may be a curvy one,



the stuff-strutting is all but guaranteed,



as is the sense of satisfaction.

Christine Renee



The path is not without its shocks and surprises, though.



The zestiest of swagger can be derailed in a flash.



It's always best to look beneath every fabric,



and investigate the details that can slip through the cracks.



With wit and persistance, the naked truth is always out there.

Denise Milani



After tough propagandizing from one's opponent, a project may need to be nursed back to health.



That's why strength in numbers is fail-safe,



the importance of massive support teams a candidate's proverbial security blanket.



If ever the campaign appears it might sink, it's crucial to have two crucial figures aboard.



They can act as buoys, keeping things afloat in the stormiest of seas,



keep spirits uplifted with a positive sense of how things look.

Evangelina Anderson



Because there will be a large bump in the campaign road,



a source of shock or deja vu,



but an icon for remembering the importance of an iron chest.

Evelyn Lory



The campaign support staff needs unique figures, too.



Individuals that stand tall,



possess a different look,



yet deliver the same strengths as the rest are major assets.

Erica Campbell



Of course, the importance of a one-time supporter mustn't be overlooked, either.

Gemma Atkinson



And any politician appreciates those who've been around the block.



Experience in this game is crucial,



especially when a committee's back is to the wall.



Such experience can flip perspectives, demonstrate how the opponent actually appears on his/her own back,



an effect that only makes the greater cause seem like it's standing strong,



ever-ready for any surprise on the horizon.

Georgia Jones



The best candidate always has an ear for his supporters,



convinced that what they have to offer is pertinent.

Heather Jo Hughes



Putting faith in one's staff gives them confidence that allows them to reveal their strongest assets,



and that's a dividend that never quits paying,



even when things seem rocky.

India Summer



It's each kind of person working for a cause that illustrates the sheer beauty of a project,



and let's the world see the strong legs on which it stands.



With strength comes a certain flexibility,



one that's suggestive of good things to come,



and that which may be left behind.

Ivette Blanche



Once in a while, a candidate must employ a support member who has a different look.



Variety, as they say,



is the necessary spice to any great concoction,



the opportunity to see something in a new light,



and take pride in something small, something casual, yet wonderful.

Jayden Tyler



It's always important to have that single intelligent look, too, and use it over and over again.

Lyndsay Marie



In doing so, the occasional act of secrecy won't raise quite so many eyebrows,



but perhaps invoke a certain interest that was overlooked before.



Maybe it will look like old hat,



but the reward comes in knowing that it's fresh.

McKenzie Taylor



Any member that can pick the purpose up by the straps deserves praise.



Now and again, a slight stretch of things might offer more insight to reaching the distant voter,



get them to pledge authentic support from the heart.

Tiffany Taylor



When it's all said and done, the world will look much better from everyone's window.



Things on the inside will just seem right,



and the undesired once again kept at arm's length.

Thanks to these supporters, and as well as to the ones about whom we didn't just make up a bunch of stuff.

(Also of substantial contributions were the ever-faithful Gorilla Mask Racketeers, and the Daily Niner Support Staff.)
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