Monday Miscellany: 6-02-08

Pretty exciting sports weekend. We've lots to cover this fine rainy Monday, so we'll get into it, ASAP, after the jump. There's news a-plenty from all four of our major sports (Editor's Note: Yes. Four.), and what better a way to organize them than the oft-handy means of alphabetization. Sure. Numbers help us with stats, and pictures help those of us not all that interested in letters, but those that concoct miscellaneous sports posts, do appreciate the clever lettering system put together by, uh, the Greeks, or something smart-sounding like that. But to ease the pain of the pictures-oriented, we'll have some symbols, whatnot to spruce up the House a bit. Let's have a look.

In the American League East, the Tampa Bay Rays, despite a special long ball from the nappy-dreaded Red Sox leftfielder, cling to their one-game first-place lead. In the West, the Halos continue to roll with a three and-a-half game edge over Oakland, and in the Central, the Twinkies took advantage of a three game White-Stockings skid to pull within a game of first. Over in the National League, the Baby Bears have won seven straight, cushioning their lead over the Redbirds, while in the East, the Phils have a half-game edge over the Marlins, and the West shows that the D'bags are still the team to beat.

Given my massive homerism, I'll offer a teense more on the AL Central, where, perhaps inspired by this post, the Royals got off the awful shniede, and put together consecutive wins. They're once again in the basement, but begin a three-game series against the Stockings tomorrow before traveling to the Bronx for four contests with the right-at-.500 Yankees.

Speaking of the Stockings, though, loon bin resident Ozzie Guillen took a new approach to rallying the troops. Can't wait to see that "lineup" tomorrow.

Hoopswise, the NBA Finals start Thursday, which will be the 11th time that Boston and L.A. have met for the championship, tying the Yankees/Dodgers for most championship series in the four majors. Eight of those wins have gone to the guys in green, a lowly two for the turd-burglars that cut Kobe and company their paychecks. The last six meetings have gone at least six games, so fans should be in for a good stretch. My 100% biased/totally uninformed prediction for the "championship the league wanted" is -- check out this limb I'm about to go out on -- Lakers in six. Why? Simple. Every time I find something to like about the NBA, it pisses me right the hell back off, which it can do by having Kobe win another title. Oh. And there's something about one of these teams sucking on the road or something. Dunno.

With regards to pigskin updates, T-Hen has been cut by the Denver Broncos. I'll be up front here: I'm crushed by this news. Travis Henry was pretty much my favorite Denver signing since Clarett was drafted in recent years. Though at times during his illustrious one season with the Broncos, I did think he could pose a significant threat to a Denver division title. Never once, however, did I worry that our boy HercRockfromtheSun would come close to backing his (see comments) infamous prediction with non-imaginary hard evidence in the form of stats. It was a close one, though. I mean, 691 rushing yards is do damn close to 1500, that we should've just given him the bragging rights outright. That is, it's not like he was 800+ yards off or anything.

Hey, look: hockey comes last alphabetically, which mean it must be less important than the other three sports. Agreed? Great. Couple bits in the sticks-and-pucks department. First, as The Lone Reader already -- anybody else find it grotesquely obnoxious that this guy comments on things we haven't yet posted about in the comments of unrelated stories? anyone? -- mentioned (Editor's Note: Just join the damn staff, already.), the Wings will likely hoist the Stanley Cup tonight. Here's my favorite bit about this series thus far. For those of you too lazy to click, this 19-year-old Wings fan (from Cleveland) got booted from the Igloo on Saturday for smuggling in an octopus and chucking it onto the ice just after the national anthem. Once outside, he dropped $300 on a scalper ticket, threw on a jersey, and came back in for the game. For his first entrance into Mellon Arena, he had the 'pus taped to his stomach. Mmm. Now that's dedication. But wait -- the hockey news gets better.

ESPN, and all six minutes per week it devotes to hockey coverage, may have a job opening. I imagine the ad to look a little like this: Hockey analyst needed; previous coaching experience at the professional level and Canadian accent preferred; greasy salt-and-pepper mullet with an affinity for pinstriped suits a must. That's right. Though he's denying everything, the mulleted one may (very soon) be a bench boss again. We promise to be our laziest in keeping our hockey readership abreast of this development, and in the event we don't actually break the story first, we'll be no later than a week behind.
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Stanley Cup Finals: Game One Re-Cap

I hadn't intended on doing game-by-game recaps, but frankly, the pestulance of the Lone Reader has, in some odd way, inspired me to do just that. For the record, I'm pulling for Pittsburgh, and am an avid Red Wing hater. I'm a Blues fan, so the two teams that've pushed my boys around the most are the Stars and the Wings. Sweet Western Conference Finals. If interested, review the comments here, and -- assuming you caught game one -- decide for yourself just how well the Pittsburgh Penguins did or didn't fare in the Finals' first contest in Detroit. If need be, there's some propaganda after the jump, or just make your own (preferrably) educated statement(s) in the comments.

For starters, Pens goalie Marc-Andre Fleury totally set the stage for Pittsburgh demise by falling on his way out the door.



The Big Lead's got its own take on why the game wound up the way it did. It has to do with the non-chef Swedes.

Phil Coffey over at NHL.com has some select words in his game-one summary.

Goalie Chris Osgood wasn’t the beneficiary of an easy night in goal, despite gaining the shutout. Despite his team’s dominance over the final 40 minutes, Osgood needed to be strong in the first period. He made a dozen saves, including several real testers from the Penguins’ strong array of offensive talent.

Interesting. The fourth word of the second sentence there, that is.

The four-letter network chimed in too, of course.

And Yahoo summarizes the match as well.

And courtesy of Barry Melrose Rocks, we have Steve Levy, Don Cherry, and Barry Melrose discussing -- amidst buffoonish bumblings -- the game. Levy makes an interesting statement at the 1:27 mark.



And that's all I have to say about that.
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Lone Reader Wedding Weekend Wrap: Take Two

Sunday, the day after The Lone Reader's wedding was a day of mixed emotions indeed. The festivities were over; it was time for friends and family to go their separate ways, and TLR was likely happy and sad for more reasons than this. His two playoff-contending teams saw polar results in that his precious, not-just-Lebron Cleveland Cavaliers were eliminated from the NBA playoffs at roughly the same time that Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins advanced to the Stanley Cup Finals. These results again embodied highs and lows in sports-related emotion as the Cavs failed to get as far as they had last year, while the Pens have now advanced two rounds further than last year's post-season efforts. Because the concept of dissecting TLR is so enthralling, we'll have a bit more of it after the jump. Instead of basketball and hockey, however, the focus will be one of his favorite pigskin figures.

As I mentioned yesterday, newspapers are still cool. So much so that The Plain Dealer, a Cleveland-area-based publication sent reporter Tony Grossi on assignment to cover the so-called progress of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. For the sake of the not-exactly-flourishing print journalism, I'll spare any links and quote directly from the hard copy, the way Wilford Brimley would read as he eats oatmeal and tends to his dia-beetis in the morning. The interesting twist on the story is that it comes, via Grossi, from the perspective of Cleveland attorney Fred Nance, one of the four five finalists not selected as the next commissioner.

Nance's take on Goodell's efforts in a nutshell allegedly receive praise for his role in the task of "mission impossible...the ultimate pressure cooker." He also added:

Not that it wouldn't be fun to be the eye in the storm, but I think Roger, in many respects, was bred to that position and I can't see anybody doing any better.

Nance's opinion regarding the New England Patriots and spying is summarized as overblown in that it is not an issue to be dealt with by the government, but rather the league. Nance also admits that the stricter dealings with player conduct have been warranted, another indicator that Goodell has handled issues well. On the contrary, Nance admits that two major issues lie ahead for the commissioner, and how they're dealt with could be the major labels associated with Goodell's time in office. The first deals with the next labor agreement that will be signed. Grossi reports that Nance's understanding of the 2006 extension hosted a mix of owner pressure to get a deal done regardless of tendencies that suggested it too heavily favored the players.

The other is that of former NFL athletes. Nance discusses the vast amount of revenues associated with the NFL, and how those dollars, coupled with franchise appreciation set the total dollars associated with football far greater than those of other sports. That side of today's game, contrasted with that of yesterday, wherein certain players "can't afford their meds and are dying in poverty," suggest that the worst is yet to come in terms of challenges Goodell will face.

The grade on the commissioner's work thus far, Grossi's article suggests, would be well above that of a passing mark.

Other tidbits of interest from Sunday's Plain Dealer...

I can't agree more about the noise, smoke, and terribly loud music at the Cavs and other NBA games. I believe there is a large number of fans who honestly don't know the sound of a basketball on a wood floor or the squeak that sneakers make...

(compiled by Bud Shaw, Plain Dealer reporter) What? These kids never played Double Dribble?

Bernie Kosar is 1-1 against John Elway in the Arena Football League. Kosar's Gladiators defeated Elway's Colorado Crush, 50-46, Saturday night at Pepsi Center in Denver.

(attributed to staff reports) Man. I thought I was bitter.

Plain Dealer columnist Terry Pluto said that the Browns, in their never-ending quarterback controversy "had the ridiculous coin flip before (last year's) preseason opener to decide if Frye or Anderson starts."

Man. I thought the Chiefs had bad coaching.

(Update: Breaking NFL news regarding...No, not bad Chiefs coaching, but the Collective Bargaining Agreement. The owners have unanimously opted out of the current CBA set to expire in 2001. For reasons I cannot explain, Bob Kraft and Jerry Jones were among the selected owners to explain. Check it here. WhoeverthefuckScottHansonis shares the details here. Of course the commish checks in, and NFL Players Association President Gene Upshaw counters.
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Lone Reader Wedding Weekend Wrap: Take One

There's some sports material in here. I swear. But mostly, it'll be hodge-podgy, so feel free to move on. In sum, a select group of folks ranging from Maine to California to Zambia to Kansas City to Canadia all gathered this weekend to witness the House of Georges' adorable Lone Reader cash in his bachelor tokens for a life of beautiful wedded bliss (Editor's Note: Sucker.). Sources close to the ceremony weekend would assure that it was a good time. Unless you ask the kidneys and livers attached to those sources, that is. Translation: It is pure miracle that many aspects of this event were not wrecked and destroyed as most of the guests were ridiculously hammered for the entire four-day weekend. I know there was talk of going streaking. Whether or not it happened, I'm still unsure; I turned in around four a.m. most of the nights. My brain, however, survived, and actually absorbed a few facts. It promises to share a few of them after the jump.

(1) The Lone Reader's bachelor party started, odd as it may sound, at the NFL Hall of Fame. That was the meeting spot. I enjoyed myself there, and will likely touch on it once or 47 times as the week progresses. It was expensive, and didn't have tons of bells and whistles, but I thought it was pretty damn cool. I was blown away, however, at how many guys were not very impressed/disappointed by it. I'm not really sure what they were expecting...actually, I am: TLR wanted NFL cheerleaders selling giving away beer in each room. Immediately after our visit, we hit multiple liquor stores and spent roughly $400 on booze. Just to kick things off. And that doesn't include Friday night's keg, wedding reception alcohol, or the 80 bottles of Scotch rolling around the festival grounds all weekend.

(2) Liquor laws in Ohio are fucked up. The aforementioned purchase, we discovered at the register, could not be made with a credit card. Cash only. They gave us the legal "reasoning" behind that, but that's a brain cell that didn't make the flight home. In this purchase, no dark rum or vodka higher than 40-proof was included. Oh, it was desired; just not available. There's a total of one state-licensed liquor store in the entire county that sells vodka that doesn't freeze in the freezer, and rum that doesn't taste like seasoned urine. At the facility grounds, we walked around all weekend with booze in hand. I was seldom seen (wedding reception included) without a PBR can. We drank liquor in the lodge while checking in, cocktails on the ceremony grounds during the ceremony, and brought our own spirits to the catered reception that had boatloads of watered-down booze and Bud Light. Ugh. They let us bring our Scotch, our beer, and our Nalgenes full of concoctions into the recepation. They let us stash it behind the bar, and gladly served us our own booze on request. But not before carding us. Strictly and without fail, almost to the end. To me, that was like a Marine lieutenant asking the newly enlisted you if you're 18 just before he shoves you out of an airplane, but whatever.

(3) No matter what the journalists are saying that circulation/subscription numbers reveal, there are still some good newspapers out there. I did my duty everyday and brought an Ohio newspaper back to our cabin, and it was hungrily devoured. We learned lots from our print scribes over the weekend. For example, Cleveland Cavaliers fans exist, and somewhat cared about the team's playoff run. And Browns' coverage is pretty hard core, even in the off-season. And Indians' red-hot pitcher Cliff Lee is married. To a lady that can look hot (Editor's Note: Don't search. It only gets less flattering.).



So, yeah. We like papers, yes we do. We like papers...I thought I could do it, but threw up in my mouth a little bit instead. That's probably enough about this topic today, though. More tomorrow? Count on it.
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Friday Afternoon Fracas

Memory fails when I try to imagine the last time we published two NBA posts in the same year week. Fact is, we're just interested enough in ribbing the almost-wed Lone Reader an inventive enough bunch to try anything. That said, I wouldn't really call this an NBA post, but at least it starts off with some semi-basketball-related tidbits of flavor. After the jump, though, there's some other news that I'm not really interested in touching on, but will anyway.

I find it best to let initials do the talking. That is, with the BCs in their way, things don't look so hot for the LJs and his CCs. Let's not forget, this is a complete team.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas (19 points, 9-for-12, 5 rebounds) continues to be Cleveland's best player, which might mean he got nabbed by the Green Menace as well. But Wally Szczerbiak (4-for-11) and Delonte West (1-for-5, 5 assists) seem like their old selves...Ben Wallace almost collapsed on his way to the bench less than four minutes into the game and had to be taken to the locker room.

(Deadspin)

Something that works "well" for Cleveland: cheap pizza. Something that doesn't: winning playoff basketball games.

In Boston, Bron-Bron might have gotten Clevelanders cheap pizza yesterday, but he might want to start making some shots at some point in this series. James went 6-of-24 to go with another seven turnovers and Ben Wallace staggered off the court with a dizzy spell four minutes into the game and didn't return. But, yeah, the Celtics seemed so vulnerable a few days ago.

(With Leather)

There're still some Cavs' "hopefuls" out there, but not really. I mean, kind of.

What we had previously chalked up as an off-game for LeBron appears to be more than that; perhaps the Celtics have LeBron rules in effect. After the 2-for-18 stinker, the NBA’s best player shot 6-for-24 last night in a game that turned ugly in the third quarter and stayed that way. Like Windhorst, we’re not ready to count the Cavs out just yet, but a) LeBron obviously needs to take over and b) the Cavs need to find people interested in scoring.

(The Big Lead)

I guess apologizing, discounted food, and winning clutch hoops contests don't make for a good combo. At least not in Jesus' eyes.

In hockey news, Colorado Avalanche General Manager Francois Giguere and Head Coach Joel Quenneville decide it would be mutually beneficial if the Avs find a new coach. All I'll say about that is: Oops. Yo, Franky. Look east toward your counterpart's Larry Pleau's decision to can the Quenn. The Blues have done real well since then.

Game one of the NHL's Western Conference Finals was, um, not surprising, ni exciting.



(NHL.com)

For the most exciting bit of technology on the Webs today, have a listen to the Melrose Line. Good time talks about Don Cherry, fabulous white-guy suits, and of course, mullets and Canadians. And hey -- no need for one of them ripoff Insider subscriptions!

(ESPN)

Some baseball games also happened yesterday. Or at least, some stuff happened while some baseball games were going on.



(Lion In Oil)



(Bugs and Cranks)

This just in: We now cover tennis, too! Well, I think it's safe to say that we've got our own special definition of "cover," but whatever.

Anna Kournikova logs "considerable mileage in team vans," digs cheap wieners? Man, if that ain't a headline begging to be printed...

Speaking of headlines, the one that states, "Sharapova Slams WTA Tour Over Publicity Shoot" had the makings of a good-sounding story. Or at least I thought it did. Probably because I saw "Sharapova slams" and " shoot" in the same lines. End result? Not photo(s), no slammage; bo-ring.

And in notes of the random...

Out of work? Money a little tight? Bring out yer dead. Or at least their credit cards.

Suriya Prasathinphimai becomes one of five Southeast Asian Games medalists to be stripped of a medal for doping. I'm no olympiad, but, like, isn't loading up on dope what you do in southeast Asia? I mean, one can't expect a guy to be completely clean when it's expected of him to "win the 75-kilogram division." Sheesh. The kid's from Thailand for Christ's sake. So he shoes up reeking of hooker juice and his pee has some pharmies in it. It's Bangkok. Let a playa' play!
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All Hands On Deck

I want to preface this post with the notion that there is nothing funny about it. At all. Also, there is no sports content, and there is nothing linked to it, there are no images, no nothing of that sort.

I know that mentioning of this sort of thing isn't something that would normally happen on a blog of this sort, but in this case, it's relevant to me, to the House of Georges, and to anyone that's paid any mind to it whatsoever in the last year.

This morning, after a gruelling battle with cancer, Ann Wilke, the wonderful-and-loving mother of our very own Lone Reader, passed away.

While those words may mean little, if anything to any of the House of Georges readers, please know that it means quite a bit to me, and to everybody in our community that has known her for as long as we can remember.

I'll put it out there like this:

Imagine that one friend. That one guy who, in the world of failed relationships, divorces and family dysfunction, has the cool parents. The guy whose folks always understand, no matter how foolish your mistakes, no matter how many times you've been told, against better judgment, not to do that thing -- yet you do it anyway -- your folks understand and forgive you. The guy who has the folks that are geared up for every sporting event, every wedding shower, every holiday, every new relationship, every life success, and, equally, every failure. That guy, ladies and gentleman, is The Lone Reader.

And today, our very own TLR is minus a mama.

At this very moment, right now, hovering in the very instant of CyberSpace, I'm torn between whether or not I should go on about the dynamic, incredible person that Mama Lone Reader was, and, in the time it took me to write that half of a sentence, I've decided: I won't.

You never knew Mama LR, and you never will. But, I'm confident that you've known someone like her. Well, someone almost like her, anyway.

So, I have a favor to ask of you: whether you've come to the HoG because you're a faithful reader, or because a Google search has brought you here, I'll ask you to raise a glass to MLR. I'll then ask you to pound the table, or other surface before you -- not a shattering type of pound, but a hearty tap of sorts -- and then consume your spirit, to the Lone Reader in all of us.

And I'll ask you, as you swallow said spirit, to remember someone you've met that made you wish to make your own life more like the life of the person to whom your cheersing. Read more

Tradition T-Thursday: Calling Out Pro Bloggers

The mighty forces of the Deadspins posted this Kansas City Chiefs "preview" yesterday. While funny, packed with detail and tremendously long, it previewed zero in regards to the upcoming 2007 Chiefs campaign. It did, however, offer a funny snippet that, for those of you that don't feel like reading Dostoyevskyesque shpeels in the morning (or ever), I'll share with you in a moment. Suffice it to say that the gist of the thing was to re-cap the awesomeness of Kansas City miraculously reaching the post-season last year, a feat that Chiefs fans "deserved," says the preview's author.



Yeah. Deserved. Albeit, he meticulously threw in all of the Chiefs' token moments of misery dating back to those last, now-archaic 1993-94 playoff victories, he failed to analyze this season and instead re-capped one bizarre 2006 day of the professional football. The day (New Year's Eve) required: a Chiefs victory over Jacksonville; a Titans loss to New England; a Cincinnati defeat at the hands of Pittsburgh; and an evening demise of the Denver Broncos via the San Francisco 49ers. Tall order to say the least. When three of four had happened, the token, and arguably most far-fetched, match was viewed by anxious Kansas City fans and likely confident fans of Bronco Nation. Thus, the peak of said preview:

"Two giants felled, one to go. The biggest, nastiest, smelliest giant of them all - the hated Broncos, led by the Ferret himself, Mike Shanahan. The most heinous bunch of illegal-cut-blocking, salary-cap-skirting, John-Elway-worshiping dirtbags ever assembled. We hate these guys even more than we envy their two Super Bowl wins. And now all they had to do was beat a second-division team from the NFC at Mile High (did I mention their unfair home-field advantage?) and they'd once again walk off with their arms around our dream.

"Yeah, we don't like those guys."

Good times. Only it wasn't over there. Said previewer rambled on and wrapped up without the most miniscule of mention of either of the following: Croyle/Huard; the return of the Priest; Larry Johnson's holdout; Jared Allen's (redacted) suspension; the sleeper defense of the conference; a virtually impossible to decipher offensive line; a first-round-draft-pick, badly needed wide receiver without a contract; and a bloach loaded with good intentions but suspect in actions and words.

This is a team that's tough to preview. It's easy for Cecil to drop his token annual, now decade-old jokes about whoever our quarterback (especially since he must daily engage in fisticuffs with Old No. 7 over who'll slob the booze-soaked knob of this guy) is. It's typical for TLR to get his pessimistic, armchair-head-coach panties in a bunch over why we should trade LJ, why we should fire Mike Solari. And it's expected of all the four-lettered networks to pick the Chiefs to finish behind the Denver Broncos and San Diego Chargers. It is not, however, professional to not preview a team in a preview.

Allow me to show you a decent preview. Yeah. It's mine, and it's nearly four months old now, but I ain't changin' a thing. The quarterback issue will only be an issue for three more weeks; Herm will know by the end of the second pre-season game that, hey, fuck all this playforthefuture shit, Damon's our guy this year who his gunslinger will be. Peterson will cough up Hunt dollars for LJ; Priest makes the team and contributes; the D is stellar; Bowe will be late and his early-season games will be affected, but he'll come on strong mid-season; the line will be consistent enough to keep Huard healthy; thus an 11-5 record and consequential playoff (playoff?) berth. That's a preview. Put it in your pipe and smoke it, Cheech.
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Guest DJ Scratchin': The Lone Reader Brings On the Soccer in the Motha'Effin' Nighttime

Editor's Note: Welcome back to Guest DJ Scratchin', our guest writing "series" on the House of Georges. Like our other features, it's sure to be a massive failure huge success, something we all bask on for months and years to come. The debut effort by the one and only Lone Reader, wherein he examines the infinitely popular game of soccer can be found here, his follow up here. This installment, you guessed it, is also about soccer. There's some soccer happenin' out there in the world, and TLR's gonna break it down for y'all.



Yes sirree, folks, the Men’s U-20 World Cup STILL ISN’T OVER. The future of world soccer is down to four teams. When is the Women’s U-20? Now that would be worth watchin’. There ya go,bankmeister, WAHCW featuring soccer starlets and that HOT team USA pitcher. I digress.

I went a solid one for fucking four with my picks last round. That’s a goddamn disaster. It sounds like a single-game stat line for a Colorado Rockies MVP candidate.

North America’s quest for world soccer domination fell short, and we’re left with a couple of fuckin’ Europeein’ teams, and two South American powerhouses.

From here on out, I can do no wrong. Put your money on the table.



Czech Republic vs. Austria (The Europeeing showdown)

Fuck this game.

Austria snuck by the USA with the help of a downpour and some sloppy bounces. The US could not answer, and the surprising Austrian team moved on. Spain’s predictable choke came earlier than I anticipated as the Czech Republic proved a worthy adversary. The Czechs have a history of showing up in tournaments, and have played solid in all phases of the game. Rain isn’t in the forecast, and the Czechs are hot. The Czech Republic will win the pissin’ contest 2-0.

Chile vs. Argentina

This may well be the game of the tournament. Chile has yet to give up a goal, and Argentina seems to score at will. I don’t have a fuckin’ clue where to go with this one. The Argentinians WERE the clear favorites, but Chile has a lot more to prove. Much like hockey, a hot goalkeeper is tough beat. I think that’s the way it’ll go. The Chilean defense will frustrate Argentina early, but will give up their first goal late. It won’t be enough for the Argentinians. Chile will face the Czechs in the final after defeating Argentina 2-1.

Book it, sergeant. These picks are done like the Broncos piss-ass, hand-me-down D-Line.


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Guest DJ Scratchin': The Lone Reader Brings On the Soccer in the Motha'effin' Daytime

Editor's Note: Welcome back to Guest DJ Scratchin', our guest writing "series" on the House of Georges. Like our other features, it's sure to be a massive failure huge success, something we all bask on for months and years to come. The debut effort by the one and only Lone Reader, wherein he examines the infinitely popular game of soccer can be found here. This installation, his follow-up, is also big surprise, about soccer. There's some soccer happenin' out there in the world, and TLR's gonna break it down for y'all.


Canada’s most well attended sporting event in history continues today and tomorrow . Eight teams remain in FIFA’s U-20 Men’s World cup of soccer and only four will be left by Sunday night.

“Waaaah!! Waaaah!! Not another soccer article. Soccer is stupid and they kick things. I don’t like when they fall on the ground. Waaah!! Waaah!!” Diving is in every sport, asshole. Just ‘cuz you hate Rodman, doesn’t mean you gotta hate the game. Now, like I said, shut the fuck up.

I coasted to a sweet 3-FOR-8 (0.375) in my stage 2 first round picks … that’s like a Bush family report card … fuck. I guess it’d win me a batting title.

The game goes on and so do I … roll on, lil’ brotha, roll on.



Round 2, Stage 2; The Quarterfinals

Austria vs USA

The African nation of Gambia couldn’t stop the precision of the Austrian set plays. Discipline made the difference. Uruguay came out tough (dirty) and the US fought to win. They may have lost 3-goal scoring striker, Altidore in the process.

Austria had flown under the radar, and the US continues to soak up media love. I wanna pick Austria here, but I can’t help but think Adu has something to prove. He won’t let ‘em lose. Austria goes down in extra time … 2-1.

The winner will play the winner of …

Czech Republic vs. Spain

The Czechs are playing the kind of ball of which they are often capable, but rarely do. Spain has decided to delay their choke, and Brazil felt their wrath. After going down 2-0, the Spaniards scored 4 straight. That’s momentum and that’s enough. The Czechs can’t handle the fancy footwork, though they’ll look good tryin’. Spain wins, 2-1.

Chile vs. Nigeria

Nigeria dominated Zambia. It was painful to watch. Fear not mother Zambia, mwakosa sana. Mukabwela … bwangu-bwangu. Chile overcame injury and a tough travel schedule to beat Portugal handily. I’m back on the bandwagon. Nigeria can’t out muscle Chile so easily. The Nigerians are goin’ home. Chile wins 3-0.

The winner plays the winner of …

Argentina vs. Mexico

Argentina continues to be a favorite after they smoked everything Poland had to offer. They are a goal-scoring machine. The Congolese looked dull as Mexico’s quickness on both offense and defense frustrated

THIS IS THE GAME TO WATCH IN THIS ROUND. WATCH THE FUCKIN’ GAME, DAMNIT!!

Both Mexico and Argentina boast teams capable of winning it all. Both countries love their soccer, but the Mexicans have more to prove. This is their time, and I think they know it. Watch the fuck out. Giovanni Dos Santos will put Mexico on the global map of soccer once again. Mexico 3, Argentina 2.

Ah what a fine day, soccer fans. The MLS has begun itsrun to the top, and the cup’s are soon to come. I’d be happy to tell you how I know this, but I’ve got a game to catch.

Oh, yeah, if you’re still cryin’ … shut the fuck up.

Cheers all,

The Lone Reader

Note: TLR actually submitted this post for publishing prior to deadline. Technical difficulties not related to the massive demands of international soccer coverage ensued, however, and its publication was delayed. The HoG offers its sincerest apologies to all of our soccer fan.

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Guest DJ Scratchin': The Lone Reader on the Men's Under-20 World Cup of Soccer

Editor's Note: Welcome readers, to the first installment of guest writing on the House of Georges. This, like our other features, is sure to be a massive failure huge success, something we all bask on for months and years to come. This debut effort by the one and only Lone Reader examines the infinitely popular game of soccer. There's some soccer happenin' out there in the world, and TLR's gonna break it down for y'all.

Game on, folks. Soccer has surfaced on the HoG. Readers, consider yourselves lucky.

While I fully recognize that many folks in North America hold a strong, though curiously inexplicable, dislike for the world’s most popular sport, I just can’t justify wasting considerable column inches arguing their idiocy (this will all change within 10 years as North American soccer surpasses it’s European counterpart in just about every phase of the game – but we’re not talkin’ about that right now).To those of you who just don’t get the game … you’re goin’ the way of the public smoker, so go have a cigarette and listen to some Milli Vanilli.



For the past 10 days, Canada has played host to the Men’s Under-20 (U20) World Cup of Soccer. These teams represent the very future of international soccer, the very future of World Cups 2010 and 2014, the very future of humanity itself. Watch ‘em, damnit, or shut the fuck up. The group stage of the tournament has been completed, and only 16 teams remain. From this moment forward, it’s a do or die, single-elimination malaise for the ages. Those games begin in less than three hours, and it’s damn well time that the HoG get some prognostication in order.

I must begin by acknowledging some performances to date. All four African nations advanced out of the group round in fine fashion. The Canadian team set a new U20 World Cup record by becoming the first host-nation in history to NOT score a goal … sweet. The United States slaughtered Poland 6-1, behind a hat trick from up-and-comer Freddy Adu. Mexico, a popular pick for the title, coasted through and may well have the best individual player in the tournament, Gio Dos Santos. Spain and Argentina advanced with ease, and Brazil just squeaked past the cutting-board. Japan’s style of play proved electrifying, and may well move them late into the tournament. Chile conceded no goals and won accolades with their creative offense in defeating Canada, Congo and tying Austria to win their group.

Enough of that bullshit, who’s gonna be on top? Who’s gonna fall? Can an African nation really do it? What about North America? Are they the future of international soccer? Will we have yet another European champion … please, no.

So here it is, folks, place your bets and get ready to win. Round 2 predictions:

Spain vs. Brazil
We’re startin’ with arguably the biggest match of the round. I mean c’mon, Spain and Brazil? It doesn’t get much bigger. Spain is basically the Buffalo Bills of international soccer … choke, choke, choke. Brazil’s rather disappointing performance to date (losses to Poland, and the USA) will force them to focus. Brazil over Spain, 3-1.

The winner will face the winner of …

Japan vs Czechoslovakia
The Czechs have had trouble in this tournament, but managed to advance. Japan’s quickness and surprising toughness will prove the Czechs final problem. This one’s too easy. Japan over Czechoslovakia, 2-0.

Argentina vs Poland
Poland’s one win (1-0 over Brazil) was a goddamn miracle. Brazil had the ball 63% of the time and took 14 shots to Poland’s 2. Argentina didn’t lose in the first round on their way to scoring 7 goals. Only the US and Spain scored more, 9 and 7 respectively. Argentine soccer fans will be celebrating. Argentina over Poland, 2-1.

The winner will face the winner of …

Mexico vs Congo
This Congolese squad is the current African champion. There are few teams that combine this speed and strength. Too bad for those saps, the Mexicans have looked stunning while going undefeated. Congo just won’t be able to contain the tournament’s best player. Mexico over Congo, 3-1.

Chile vs Portugal
DO NOT MISS THIS GAME. These two teams have well orchestrated attacks and believe that attacking is the only way to win. That makes for some fun soccer … even if you’re from the States. Crowd favorites, the Chilean’s produce as explosive an attack as I’ve seen. Extensive travel and injury, however, will bring their run to an end. Watch Portugal defeat Chile, 3-2.

The winner will face the winner of …

Zambia vs. Nigeria
Both nations finished second in their respective groups, though Nigeria had one more win. Zambia finished second in a group that sent three of four to Stage 2. Still distraught from the 1993 plane crash that decimated their national team, the emotional Zambian team will march on to face Portugal. Mulenga scores 2 as Zambia knocks off Nigeria, 3-2 in overtime. BA ZAMBIA NA LELO BAWINA, CIPOLO POLO!

Austria vs Gambia
This is a tough one. Gambia suffered a tough loss to a heavily-favored Mexico, but beat Portugal handily. Austria got a win against Canada … who fuckin’ cares … but actually forced Chile to a draw. The Austrian defense will prove just a bit too slow, and Gambia beats Austria 2-1.

The winner will face the winner of …

United States vs. Uruguay
The US team has scored more goals than any other team in the tournament. On his way to 3 goals, Freddy Adu produced consistent scoring chances, while teammates Danny Szetela and Josmer Altidore capitalized with 3 goals each. Uruguay finished their round with a 2-0 loss to Zambia. The US keeps the momentum, and defeats Uruguay, 3-0.

Put a stamp on it folks. It’s as good as done.

Stay tuned, sports fans.

-- The Lone Reader

Editor's Note: The House thanks the Lone Reader for investing 400 times the amount of energy on soccer our staff of three would've if held at gunpoint. We just might have to have this guy back. Or not.


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