Light up the grill and the Black Cats and try to avoid burning yourself, kids, it's the Fourth of July! Since you're not working today (Editor's Note: Written from work), feel free to indulge in that forbidden summertime pleasure--Baseball In The Daytime. It's all there for you--the sport's greatest rivalry renewing in the Bronx, the Nationals battling baseball's oldest franchise, the two teams that migrated west together 50 years ago in the game's own version of the Manifest Destiny. Oh, and the Royals are playing too.
Just remember, around the time you crack your eleventh beer and suck down your fourth brat, why we're here. 232 years ago today, a group of men placed themselves in the path of a freight train. They signed the most elegant and purposeful document ever crafted on these shores, a document whose words gain weight with every passing year. Read it now, read it later, but at some point this weekend read this Declaration:
In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,
When in the course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.
We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.
That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed.
That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is in the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient Causes; and accordingly all Experience hath shewn, that Mankind are more disposed to suffer, while Evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the Forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security.
Such has been the patient Sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the Necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The History of the Present King of Great-Britain is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let the Facts be submitted to a candid World.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public Good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing Importance, unless suspended in their Operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the Accommodation of large Districts of People; unless those People would relinquish the Right of Representation in the Legislature, a Right inestimable to them, and formidable to Tyrants only.
He has called together Legislative Bodies at Places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the Depository of their public Records, for the sole Purpose of fatiguing them into Compliance with his Measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly Firmness his Invasions on the Rights of the People.
He has refused for a long Time, after such Dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the Dangers of Invasion from without, and Convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the Population of these States; for that Purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their Migrations hither, and raising the Conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the Tenure of their Offices, and Amount and Payment of their Salaries.
He has erected a Multitude of new Offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their Substance.
He has kept among us, in Times of Peace, Standing Armies, without the consent of our Legislature.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a Jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution, and unacknowledged by our Laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large Bodies of Armed Troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from Punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all Parts of the World:
For imposing taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us, in many Cases, of the Benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond the Seas to be tried for pretended Offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an arbitrary Government, and enlarging its Boundaries, so as to render it at once an Example and fit Instrument for introducing the same absolute Rule in these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with Powers to legislate for us in all Cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our Towns, and destroyed the Lives of our People.
He is, at this Time, transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to complete the Works of Death, Desolation, and Tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and Perfidy, scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous Ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized Nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the Executioners of their Friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic Insurrections among us, and has endeavoured to bring on the Inhabitants of our Frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known Rule of Warfare, is an undistinguished Destruction, of all Ages, Sexes and Conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions we have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble Terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated Injury. A Prince, whose Character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the Ruler of a free People.
Nor have we been wanting in Attentions to our British Brethren. We have warned them from Time to Time of Attempts by their Legislature to extend an unwarrantable Jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the Circumstances of our Emigration and Settlement here. We have appealed to their native Justice and Magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the Ties of our common Kindred to disavow these Usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our Connections and Correspondence. They too have been deaf to the Voice of Justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the Necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of Mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace, Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the Rectitude of our Intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly Publish and Declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be, Free and Independent States; that they are absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political Connection between them and the State of Great-Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm Reliance on the Protection of the divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.
Signed by ORDER and
in BEHALF OF THE CONGRESS
JOHN HANCOCK,
PRESIDENT.
ATTEST.
CHARLES THOMSON,
SECRETARY.
PHILADELPHIA:
PRINTED BY JOHN DUNLAP.
OK, now that we have the reading assignment out of the way, let's get to the ballpark:
Boston @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Mountain The Red Sox could not get out of that bug-infested shithole known as Tampa soon enough. How crazy is it that after the raucous anarchy of Tropicana Field (first time those words have ever been written), this Red Sox-Yankees series has a ho-hum flavor? Today Josh Beckett, who likes to exercise the Second Amendment, faces the crafty rookie Darrell Rasner at the Stadium.
Washington @ Cincinnati, 11:15 Can someone tell me why these Nationals are not playing in DC on the Fourth? Talk about your FUBAR scheduling. Not that anyone in our nation's capital is clamoring for the live sight of Jason Bergmann v. Bronson Arroyo, mind you, but let's think about these things a little. Most of the Smithsonian and the National Archives are closed today, give the kids a little BITD.
Pittsburgh @ Milwaukee, 12:05 At least the Nats and Reds are playing outside, this game will be played inside. For God's sakes, Brewers, please open the roof and let the sunshine in on your ballgame and sausage race. The home team sends their ace Ben Sheets to the hill opposite Tom Gorzelanny in this NL Central hootenanny.
LA Dodgers @ San Francisco This was once a bitter rivalry, and kids in the Bay Area that played on the junior Dodgers teams in Little League got batteries thrown at them. Now everyone just sits around and remembers the good old days of Steve Garvey's illegitimate kids and Barry Bonds' illegitimate records. Derek Lowe and Dirty Jonathan Sanchez are your starters.
Detroit @ Seattle, 2:05 Two lefties toe the slab in this one, Kenny Rogers for the Tigers and Erik Bedard for the Mariners. Rogers is a true renaissance man, having mastered the genres of country music, chicken roasting and pine tarring. Bedard throws harder and knows his way around the disabled list.
Texas @ Baltimore, 2:35 Texas is big, wide open and known for its cattle. Baltimore is a decaying Rust Belt shooting gallery known for its crabs. Today Vincente Padilla plays the role of T-Bone, while Jeremy Guthrie stars as a soft-shell. And thus concludes the worst game preview in the history of baseball In The Daytime. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Kansas City @ Tampa, 3:10 Seriously, how fucking strange was it to see the Trop this week? Sold out, raucous, and full of Bay-Rays fans--I never thought I'd see the day. For the first time all year it actually struck me that the Red Sox are not a lock for the playoffs, and that the team that could keep them out resides not in New York but on the Gulf Coast of Florida. These are trippy times, my friends, find something solid to grab onto. Today the Royals invade the domed edifice in St. Pete, and something tells me the crowd that was there Monday through Wednesday will be slightly slimmer. Like maybe thirty thousand slimmer. Brian Bannister, once a Met prospect, squares off with Edwin Jackson, erstwhile Dodger farmhand. Enjoy your Fourth, folks, and Play Ball!
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We've been served a heaping helping of day baseball, so I won't dilly-dally too much. If you are among the sick, lame and/or lazy, if you are a housewife, midwife or silverfish, if you are a college student, drunk or dope fiend, or if you're sick of watching fencing, check out a ballgame.
