Monday Miscellany: 7-28-08

It's Monday. We're working hard/hardly working, and bored. To pass the time, here are a few fun sound bytes to listen to while we hurl a bunch of completely random barrels at our readership. I've never understood the concept of using a hammer to bash anything other than a nail. It just seems odd and fruitless. An easier solution seems to be to simply jump.

CBS Sportsline is re-visiting their Top 50 Jerkiest Athletes of All Time list from last year with an updated version. Good calls include: Art Modell, Bill Romanowski, Terrell Owens, Mike Tyson, Ron Artest, Adam Jones, John Rocker, "Ko-Me" Bryant, and Mike Vick.

Not so much: Michael Irvin gone from the list? O.J. Simpson replaced at number one by Roger Clemens? Reggie Jackson higher than Bonds, Bryant and Jones? Tommy Lasorda's more of a jerk than George Steinbrenner? What will Humberto and the Dodgers' faithful say?

(Props to The Big Lead for delivering the links, and for this story, which makes me wonder if Peyton was around.)

Kissing Suzy Kolber has been previewing each division in the NFL. Their latest is the AFC North, which they apparently don't think too highly of. Freaking hilarious.

Joe Morgan accepted the first Buck O'Neil Lifetime Achievement Award in Cooperstown this weekend. The award itself is an honor, and Morgan is clearly deserving of it. The article, however, is very confusing as MLB HOF president Jeff Idelson presented the award to O'Neil's son Warren, who presented the award to Morgan? On behalf of the O'Neil family? Though The Kansas City Star article's sub-header and photo caption are confusing, it's clarified in this video by Negro Leagues Baseball Museum Marketing Director Bob Kendrick; O'Neil's family received the first award, in honor of the late Buck, then handed one to Joe Morgan, as this year's recipient.

Fire Joe Morgan thinks that the Dodgers G.M. is crafty. I mean, his name is Ned after all. He must be.

Elsewhere in the world of craftiness is the guy that made this sign:



(image courtesy of Babes Love Baseball)

Those crazy Red Sox. When they're not belting tunes with Chesney, or cooing Manny, they're looking back at some of their club's best 'staches of the past. Or at least we are.

Be it AL East, NL West, or NL Central, trade talks continue to circulate, and Mark at Bugs and Cranks thinks that the rumor mill regarding the Rockies might be changing.

Of course there are always rumors. Some are more believable than others. Some are just plain shocking. Like the one that suggests that ESPN might replace Barry Melrose with Matthew Barnaby. The former Sabre and Penguin did have a knack for logging penalty minutes (2562 for his career next to 113 goals and 187 assists), but I doubt he can outdo the mulleted master of pinstripe-suit-wearing white guys. Come. On.

(shizams to Going Five Hole via Awful Announcing)

And for no apparent reason, I'll once again link to the article known as "The Chase." Just because it's that good.
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Tuesday Tidbits

Well, well, well. Ticket day is finally here. I have absolutely no idea why it's on a Tuesday instead of the typical Monday, but whatever. I'll go. I'll stand in line, and I'll purchase tickets, ones that are not for a friggin' soccer match, but for Broncos-Chiefs at Arrowhead in September. We'll have some Traditional words later this evening, but until then, it'll be mostly baseball with a hint of football and a microscopic shred of hockey and soccer.

Here's a discussion you've never even heard of before: the popularity of hockey in America. JP from Pyle of List converses with Steve from Kukla's Corner. They cover all of the bases: Canada and the game's popularity there; television ratings; comparisons with the other three major sports; league marketing; and general American knowledge (or lack) of the game. Know matter what side of the crease you stand in, it's a good read.

(Tip to The Big Lead)

In a related story, Awful Announcing lets us know that lots of soccer will be on television, starting next month. Can't wait.

There's a theme going here: take really bad TV, and make it worse. How, you say? Simple: add Michael Irvin. There's one more (deal-sealing) reason I'll never subscribe to the NFL Network.

Fire Joe Morgan takes us from really bad annunciating to really bad number crunching with Yahoo's Jeff Passan, who somehow has concocted a formula that suggests the Royals will win the AL Central. Like so many of us, Mr. Passan appears to be a homer in this bit, as his previous place of employment was, yep: writing for The Kansas City Star. I hope the veteran soothsayer didn't catch last night's "contest" between the Royals and the Tigers, the one that I likely jinxed, the one in which reliever Jimmy Gobble gave up 10 runs in the eighth, which preceded Tony Pena, Jr.'s three-up-three-down ninth.

Rest assured that times are indeed good when your backup shortstop outpitches a four-year reliever. I really enjoyed all three headlines associated with that game wrap that MLB.com delivers via one lone click: "Tigers take out frustrations on Royals;" "Tigers trounce Royals;" and "Tigers feast on Royals."

Elsewhere in baseball, Mark over at Bugs and Cranks apparently doesn't care for the NL West teams not named the Rockies:

In a further effort to less confuse things, I’m just going to morph LA and Arizona into one giant ball of baseball suck named: The Dodgerbacks.

Andy, on the other hand, is certain that the D'bags are still better than the Rockies, as Arizona's first-place tie with L.A. does or doesn't suggest.

Finally, Kissing Suzy Kolber shares this stroke of genius with us all:



They also have a post where a fetus (that hates the Chiefs) talks with T.J. Houshmanzadeh. It makes zero sense; I guess Monday Morning Punter must be a Broncos fan. Oh, and there's a guest post from Chris Cooley.
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Monday Miscellany: 7-14-08

In the shockingest news in the history of all days dated July 14, most of what there is to report to day has to do with baseball. That's right. Each tidbit is random, largely unrelated to the previous or the next, and full of educational facts. To pick up more of what I'm throwing down, click that handy "Read More" apparatus. Suh-wing, batta', batta'. Or, uh, don't balk, pitcha', pitcha'.

Goes Down Looking graces us with the memo that it's never too late for Lima Time.

And perhaps the best news I've heard in many, many, many a month: Billy Packer has called it a career. It might've stretched a 34-year span, but I can't think of a worse basketball analyst. Ever. Give me a 24-hour Brent Musberger/Dick Vitale marathon before torturing me with one game of Packer. The scoop on this comes from Awful Announcing, which is apropos of everything. Well, at least he's calling it the end of his CBS career.

In baseball news, it's Papi being Papi. What a shock. He'll return for a matchup against the Yankees. Convenient? You be da' judge.

Sports Couch Potato has some of the best news I've heard in a long, long time: more outdoor hockey. The game is slated for New Year's Day at Wrigley Field, and will pit Central Division rivals Chicago Blackhawks and Stanley Cup champion Detroit Red Wings against one another. Allegedly, there are tentative plans to have the game be an annual gig at the new Yankee Stadium which will open next year. This. Will Rule. Like I said here, this year's game at Ralph Wilson Stadium was one of the best televised hockey games I've ever watched, and SCP reports that it drew great ratings and provided for some good PR for the league.

Food Court Lunch makes fun of Travis Henry's lack of Puri-Blend Tea here, and condoms here.

Bugs and Cranks offers the latest installment on the Milton Bradley/Josh Hamilton/let's make this a race issue bit of drama, while Babes Love Baseball praises the artist formerly known as C.C. with a brief analysis of his performance(s) thus far in Wisconsin.

Now, everyone...assume the meditative position, close your eyes and focus hard and clearly on fast-forwarding through the All-Star break. Go!
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Stay Classy, Canadia

Not much going on at the joint today, so, hey -- why not make fun of them northern neighbors of ours? Let's get right to it, after the jump.

TheStar.com reports
that Toronto Native Kris Draper (and family) really knows how to "get loose" with the Stanley Cup.

"A week after we won it, I had my newborn daughter in there and she pooped in the Cup," said Draper. "That was something. We had a pretty good laugh.

"It was, well, clean it out. I still drank out of it that night, so no worries."

Filling in as weekend correspondent for the Deadspin clan, Christmas Ape reports that fans enjoyed mocking A-Rod at a baseball game.

Of course eTrueSports has their own take on A-Rodonna.

Speaking of Madonna and potential mates of Hispanic descent, get a load of this. I guess the Orlando Sentinel online got the story here, but Kukla's Corner took it a step further, running images of Madonna and uber-Canadian Mark Messier to see what would happen...if they mated.

Speaking of hockey, Sid over at Two Minutes for Blogging took about two months for blogging (Editor's Note: I have no idea if that's true or not) in June and put together the longest post I have ever seen ever. It's called The Ken Baumgartner Chronicles, and it would appear to chronicle a lot more than the career of one mere athlete. It is massive, and it is full of more hockey fight clips than any Canadian could ever dream of.

Canadian bloggers Small Dead Animals have beat Cecil to the chase regarding an obituary for Tony Snow. They're also taking potshots at Barack Obama.

What will Canadia come up with next?
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How To Fix Baseball

Editor's Note: The remedies included in this post are not intended to fix everything wrong with the sport of baseball. As you may have heard, the professional version of the game has an issue with economic disparity among its clubs. If you haven't heard, please email The Lone Reader and he will send you a daily customized newsletter detailing the reasons baseball sucks, the excuses for small-market teams losing, and some handy pound cake recipes.

We're also ignoring myriad other problems, such as the tendency for fans to boo when the visiting pitcher throws over to first base more than once during an at-bat. I've never understood this, and it makes me furious. I also hate it when batters call timeout. Get your ass in the box. And, yes, I hate it when Manny (or anyone else) stands around and admires his home runs, especially when they aren't home runs.

No, today we're dealing with three issues. One, Canada sucks. Two, everyone's complaining about maple bats (which come from Canada, by the way) splintering and how someone's going to get killed. And three, this season has seen an alarming number of botched home run calls that have led to numerous pleas for instant replay in baseball. I have elegant solutions for all three.

SOLUTION NO. 1: MOVE THE TORONTO BLUE JAYS TO THE UNITED STATES I don't really care where, but the rumor that the Marlins were headed to Las Vegas if they couldn't get a new stadium was intriguing. Seriously, folks, watch this clip (hat tip: Deadspin)and find one good reason to keep a team in the Great White North:



After the jump, the answer to everything else (which, ironically, was inspired by Canada)...

SOLUTION NO. 2: ERECT A PLEXIGLASS WALL AROUND EVERY BASEBALL FIELD Just like the one that surrounds a hockey rink. And I don't know if that fucker is made of Plexiglass, real glass, acrylic or recycled fetuses from Laos. It's clear, it's ten feet tall, and it keeps fans out and pucks in.

I for one don't understand the recent furor over maple bats. When the wood, which is denser and harder than traditional ash, gained popularity a decade or so ago, it seemed like a solution to breakage issues. Batters bragged about their maple sticks lasting months, as opposed to needing dozens of ash bats to get through a season. Now that maple has become the preferred lumber in The Show, hitters are tweaking their bats more and more, trying to make them lighter with more mass at the barrel. Many speculate that because amateur players grow up on light aluminum bats with thin handles and fat barrels, they try to find wood bats that replicate those qualities.

If you've watched any ball this season, it does seem that bats have been breaking a lot more often than normal. And every once in a while a shard will hit either a fielder, umpire, coach or fan or come darn close. There's a lot of speculation that MLB will mandate a uniform minimum handle thickness to counteract the threat of a projectile someday impaling a child. Like everything else, though, the players' union would have to approve such a rule change.

My opinion is that if you step on a ballfield and collect a check, you assume a risk of getting drilled, whether it's by a batted ball or a sliver of maple. Fans in the stands do as well (read the back of your ticket sometime), but it is reasonable to offer paying customers down the foul lines some protection from flying lumber. So put up the hockey boards.

But this will cut down on the number of foul balls collected by fans in the front row, you say. To this I have one word: Good. Actually, I have seven more words: Fuck The Fans In The Front Row. I'm sick of you douchebags and your juvenile shenanigans. I'm sick of you reaching onto the field of play to grab baseballs. I'm sick of you falling onto the tarp and spilling beer and nachos everywhere. I'm sick of you begging the ball girls, the outfielders, the base coaches, to toss you a ball you didn't deserve. If you want a ball at game, you have four options:

1. Buy one.
2. Get lucky as shit and catch a pop foul.
3. Show up early for BP and wait in the bleachers.
4. Attend a Marlins game, where foul balls sit in the empty stands for hours before ushers and janitors throw them away.

Yes, I'm a little bitter, because I've neither sat in the front row nor snagged a foul ball in my lifetime. I've come real close but never sealed the deal. So you assholes that do both on a regular basis can eat the corn out of my shit. I hate that it's not enough for you to have the best seat in the house, you need to affect my enjoyment of the game by interfering with it and pestering on-field personnel. Now I'm supposed to be concerned about you taking a wooden spear to the temple. Fuck you. Get behind the glass.

I needn't tell Cubs fans what this proposal might have meant to your team's fortunes back in 2003. And if Jeter tried to dive into the stands again, he'd look like a bug on a windshield. What could possibly be wrong with eliminating the chance a fan could interfere with a game?

Beyond clearing up the foul lines, you could run the glass all around the outfield as well. Too many new parks have infinite artificial zig-zags and jogs in the outfield, arbitrarily painted yellow lines differentiating a homer from a ball in play. That weirdness, more than umpire incompetence, is what causes a majority of the botched calls that have fans clamoring for replay. Erect the glass, and the ground rules are simple: over the glass is a home run. Off the glass and back onto the field of play--get on your horse and run, Manny.

This has nothing to do with anything, but you could also give ushers Tasers and the authority to nail fans who yap on their cellphones behind home plate and wave at the camera. I doubt the players' union would have any objection to that.
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Monday Miscellany: 6-09-08

I have absolutely no idea what's happening in this picture. Actually, I do, but I have no idea what else has been happening in the world of sports. Good thing other people do. After the jump, an ultra-strenuous effort to dig through the wide world of blogs and copy and paste links to stories other people had the energy to write. Thanks, alcohol, for making me sluggisher than I already was.


Dominik Hasek retired.

Men's tennis is boring. Why? Because it lacks hot girls that play tennis and win tournaments.

My computer's not working so well; it's been doing odd things like displaying this sort of story, which is clearly a malfunction of some sort.

Speaking of things not working so well...



Yeah. New Patriots on the Block just isn't working for me. At all.

(courtesy of Smarter Sports Blog)

My new favorite blog is something I'll be checking out each morning, over cereal, perhaps Lucky Charms. The Cubs? Best record in the bigs? How did I miss that? Oh. That's right. National League Central.

The shrewd oddities of Free Darko. Linking to that in a sentence fragment. Just seemed to work.

Taglines are...well, the possible definitions are endless there. I dig the one at We Suck at Sports, though.

We suck at sports, but still have an opinion. We suck at writing, but that's never stopped us either.

We Are the Postmen deliver some "surprising" news. I hear the Lower Colorado River Authority is hiring.
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Stanley Cup Finals: Game Five Re-Cap

Damn. Another crazy post-season, multiple-overtime hockey game. That's one of the beauties about this league that is simply irreplaceable. Almost three complete overtime periods to determine a winner for game five, and the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals continue. I don't have a lot of points to make about this game, but there are a few. And they're huge. Details on this city-moving epic after the jump. But before we get to those, let me just say that Phil Pritchard has the best job in the world. For real.

Regarding game five, it should be noted that the criticized Evgeni Malkin gets credit for the game-winning assist, and that's all I'll say about that. None of his criticism has anything to do with his country of origin; it involves the potentially marquis player that he has been in 2008, the franchise figure he will be for years to come, and his lack of production in this series. Only in Canadia would they attribut such shortcomings to a totally nil factor.

This game was the sort of contest the Finals needed. It was hard-fought, back-and-forth, full of scoring chances, and downright entertaining. It had, in my estimation, a crucial moment, one that defined the nature of the series. Early in the second period, Pittsburgh made a textbook weak effort to clear the puck from their own zone along the right wall. Veteran Kirk Maltby, however, was having none of it, and he kept the puck in, dished it off to Darren Helm, and Helm buried it. This tally put the Wings on the board, who'd been facing a 2-0 deficit. From there, the Wings notched two more scores, and all but eliminated the Penguins, but Pittsburgh, in an extra-attacker moment of desperation, kept things alive with a puck-on-the-doorstep tally by Max Talbot with mere change left on the regulation clock. Ultimately, I couldn't believe the Penguins let Detroit back into this game, but was even more stunned that they had the grit to take the win nearly a second full game into overtime.

Helm's goal, though, is an example of what's been the difference in this series: zone domination. Like many clubs, Pittsburgh has not been able to gain the zone against Mike Babcock's club. At all. Most of the time, they're dumping the puck from the neutral zone, and relying on their speed to beat the Red Wings to the puck. But it ain't working. On the few occasions that Detroit doesn't take over possession prior to a Penguins dump, they're getting to it first deep in their own zone. At the other end of the ice, they're entering the attack zone with ease, and keeping it in there, which puts the Penguins on their heels, and only opens up buckets full of scoring chances for the President's Trophy winners. This game is about controlling the zone, and that's one of many areas in which experience transcends youth. It's not about shots, it's about scoring chances. The prime example of this would be most any period (and there haven't been many) in this series when Pittsburgh has outshot Detroit; it hasn't mattered. Pittsburgh can use their speed to, on occasion, earn enough real estate to get a puck on Chris Osgood's body. The problem is two-fold: they're all low-chance shots, and Osgood is playing out of his mind. Detroit on the other hand, gains control of the zone, and then sets up shop. Once they've accomplished this, the scoring chances come to them like hookers in Thailand. Marc-Andre Fleury can only turn away so many until one (or more) get between his legs.

In notes of the random, I can't recall an overtime playoff hockey game with more penalites (four) than this one. That said, when there've been three in the overtimes, the last thing a club should be called for is too many men. The second-to-last thing is -- although I know guys are tired -- high sticking. And you certainly can't get flagged for a four-minute double minor of that variety. That call, on Detroit's Jiri Hidler at 9:21 of the third overtime, sealed the deal. If a team can't convert on a four-minute man advantage three overtimes in, then they deserve nothing shy of nothing. But, as any club should, Pittsburgh converted, and will play another contest at the Igloo.

Speaking of other contests, I'll let Bill Clement take us out...


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Friday Afternoon Fracas: 5-30-08

It's Friday. The work week's winding down -- for some -- and booze consumption rates are about to skyrocket for us in the spheres of sportsbloggery (Editor's Note: Skyrocket, in House of Georges terminology, is synonymous with the phrase "maintain normal levels."). That said, it's time for a look around the more general, less boring wide world of sports. One can do so, if one's so inclined, after the jump.


The guys at the Sports Point make some points about playoff hockey scheduling. Unfortunately for them, they're all wrong.

In NBA Western Conference Finals news, the Lakers knocked off defending-champion San Antonio, and there was some beef with the last shot. Or something.

Lakersx
by bsap11

(courtesy of Awful Announcing)

Elsewhere in hoopage, Nation of Islam doesn't like what Jason Whitlock has to say about the NBA playoffs, and suggests that he may have singled out Rasheed Wallace.



(story courtesy of The Big Lead)

In baseball news, UmpBump has a great series going entitled "What They Need." So far, they've covered the Braves.

Speaking of what they need, some fans at a Rays game needed a ball boy to step in and prevent some decapitation. In the same game, B.J. Upton makes a phenomenal catch.



(clip courtesy of Bugs and Cranks)

And in HoG-related news, Deadspin shares that the Rocky Mountain News has uncovered some crucial evidence in the Darrent Williams murder case,

and The Kansas City Star throws out some more tired tag lines suggesting that the starting-quarterback job is Brodie Croyle's to lose/the Chiefs' struggles last year were associated with Croyle's inefficiences in this story.
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Stanley Cup Finals: Game Three Re-Cap

Pittsburgh won last night, 3-2. They tried hard to give away the win late, a la the last two extra-innings Royals-Twins games, but for the Penguins, home ice worked out well. Ultimately, this win was a gift for the Wings, as they'll likely take Saturday's game, then celebrate the championship in Hockeytown next week. I don't have any more to say about the game, so don't click Read more

We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: The One-Timer

The Month of May has all but expired, and at this rate, so have the Pittsburgh Penguins. If Mario Lemieux's franchise takes another L this evening, the NHL could very well be awarding its first non-June Stanley Cup in many years. Barring a Detroit Red Wing loss tonight at the Igloo in Pittsburgh, the Wings will have the opportunity to sweep the Pens Friday night, and the 2008 season will be in the books. If this transpires, the bright side for the youngsters of this Penguins team is that they are in fact young; they still have time in their early careers to keep their dreams of one day hoisting the Stanley Cup alive. Of the numbers of players that log professional hockey careers, few get the chance to see that dream to fruition. For many on the current Red Wing roster, that opportunity has presented itself on many occasions. For most, the possibility only comes around once. Today we'll take a look at one of the best ways to score on the ice: the one-timer. After the jump, we'll recruit the help of some fine young talent to assist us in the explanation(s).

Alessandra Ambrosio



Alessandra knows that to play the game of hockey, one must be flexible.

Angel Kiss



Miss Kiss will be the first to admit that gear is a player's best friend. From the helmet to the shorts, each piece has got to be fully functional and fitted.

Ann Pollar



Hockey uses every muscle in the body. It's good to belong to a facility where there's a warming pool for a post-workout soak.

Bianca Beauchamp



To play this game, you've got to be fit and chiseled like a rock. And if you're a rock behind a topless Miss Beauchamp, score.

Catalina Cruz



Catalina demonstrates the necessity to establish some personal space in the game, and be flexible.

Christine Smith



Miss Smith knows that many body parts are used in the game, i.e. a deflected puck can be corralled off the chest. Let's hope there's not a show dog napping there.

Crystal Inman



Crystal suggests that, on occasion, a body has to lean. Be it against a stick or an opponent's body, it happens.

Denise Milani



The one-timer is a scoring opportunity that happens when a player, instead of receiving the pass on the tape of his/her stick, shoots the puck on net. It happens quick, and Denise Milani knows that a participant of such a chance must be on his/her toes.

Diem Nguyen



It takes a stern countenance to execute such a play successfully. You've got to stake your ground, and be ready when the often-times missile of a pass arrives. Nguyen executed properly, you're bound to catch a goalie off guard. Cha. Ching.

Heather Summers



Cup champions typically have fabulous summers, eagerly awaiting their one day with the cup. These crowning seasons are best enjoyed when they involve Heather.

Jessica Biel



Deflected one-time attempts often hit the mesh above the glass. I'd call it successful if my shot hit Jessica above the mesh. Zzzzing!

Jia Lynn


Jia Lynn demonstrates a goalie's lock-kneed five-hole save. Man, the possibilities are limitless with that one.

Joanna Krupa



When a goalie gives up a juicy rebound, he's got to be prepared to make a kick save against any second chances.

Katie Marie



They've got to be careful, though. A kick save left can often result in a shot to the right side of the cage, necessitating a dive.

Kelly Brook



Netminders must always be alert. Scoring chances can even occur from the other end of the ice, which is never a good time to be caught leaning against the pipe.

Kristy Records



But back to one-timer positioning. It's key to bend those knees, stick out that butt, and get low to the ice if you want to get off a good shot.

Lana Lopez



It sounds goofy, but it's true. You've got to be poised if you want to slip one by.

Lauren D'Marie



And getting pucks in the net early will always get a goalie off his game. Like Miss D'Marie, he'll be gnashing his teeth on the twine.

Leslie Newport



And if the one-timer gets deflected, keep your eyes on the ice. It's the only way to spot a ricocheted puck.

Maddalena Corvaglia



Maddalena's not a big advocate of the one-timer. She's more into the flashy, deke-involved breakaway-type scoring chances. In her mind, position hockey's for the birds.

Maya Anderson



Maya Anderson, however, knows that position hockey can result in rebounds and multiple scoring chances. You never know when that loose puck will be lying on the doorstep with the goalie on his back.

Petra Nemcova



A player's got to work for those chances, though. They don't just happen while folks sit around.

Raica Olveira



The one-timer, while efficient, isn't easy. It requires concentration, a firm gaze, and the use of the arms and legs, in various modes of extension.

Sandra Nilsson



Speaking of gazes, yikes!

Tailor James



Scoring on a one-timer is cool and refreshing, like, uh, lakeside skinny dipping.

Tayler Delane



It's dangerous out in front of the goaltender's crease, though. Many a scrum takes place in that region, and the chippy guys will try to pull your sweater over your head so's they can pummel ya'. I prefer it when Miss Delane removes her own.

Tiffany Brookes



It's always a physical game. Whether you fight, or bury a one-timer, never skate with your head down. Body checks and elbows are flying around with a vengeance.

Now get out there and score, gents. Game on!

(We're thankful our goalies wear Gorilla Masks before taking the ice for the Daily Niner.)

(Update: Oops. Apparently, game four will be on Saturday. Scratch all that non-June/Friday business.)
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Stanley Cup Finals: Game One Re-Cap

I hadn't intended on doing game-by-game recaps, but frankly, the pestulance of the Lone Reader has, in some odd way, inspired me to do just that. For the record, I'm pulling for Pittsburgh, and am an avid Red Wing hater. I'm a Blues fan, so the two teams that've pushed my boys around the most are the Stars and the Wings. Sweet Western Conference Finals. If interested, review the comments here, and -- assuming you caught game one -- decide for yourself just how well the Pittsburgh Penguins did or didn't fare in the Finals' first contest in Detroit. If need be, there's some propaganda after the jump, or just make your own (preferrably) educated statement(s) in the comments.

For starters, Pens goalie Marc-Andre Fleury totally set the stage for Pittsburgh demise by falling on his way out the door.



The Big Lead's got its own take on why the game wound up the way it did. It has to do with the non-chef Swedes.

Phil Coffey over at NHL.com has some select words in his game-one summary.

Goalie Chris Osgood wasn’t the beneficiary of an easy night in goal, despite gaining the shutout. Despite his team’s dominance over the final 40 minutes, Osgood needed to be strong in the first period. He made a dozen saves, including several real testers from the Penguins’ strong array of offensive talent.

Interesting. The fourth word of the second sentence there, that is.

The four-letter network chimed in too, of course.

And Yahoo summarizes the match as well.

And courtesy of Barry Melrose Rocks, we have Steve Levy, Don Cherry, and Barry Melrose discussing -- amidst buffoonish bumblings -- the game. Levy makes an interesting statement at the 1:27 mark.



And that's all I have to say about that.
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The Quest for the Cup: HoG's Finals Preview

It's that time of year again. The excitement, agony, anxiety and pride of fighting through an 82-game season and three best-of-seven playoff series are over. Seems like yesterday guys were reporting to camp for pre-season workouts. Now, late in May, the quest for the Cup has reached its acme. Two teams, one shot at the most coveted trophy in professional sports. Like the clip in yesterday's post says, "It weighs 35 pounds, except when you lift it." A look at Michel Therrien's Pittsburgh Penguins and Mike Babcock's Detroit Red Wings, after the jump.

This no doubt is the most difficult prediction post I've written to date. I'm going to examine some of the tangibles from both of these squads, but it, as players frequently say, will all boil down to who gets out there and plays better hockey four out of seven times. Sounds silly, I know. But this is where the overdrive kicks in, where 100% hustle for every loose puck is demanded of every guy on the ice for every second he's out there. This is where, if need be, a defenseman errs on the side of caution, and shows restraint against those tempting opportunities to pinch in along the halfwall. Those defenders must stay at home, never forget the weak side, and deliver crisp outlet passes on every occasion, regardless of the hit that's coming.

This is where wings and centers must continue to cycle in the offensive zone. They must remember to use their points often, and stay moving down low afterwards. This is where using all the ice, especially to gain the neutral zone, will be pivotal. And goalies? Goalies must simply be goalies, and be awarded clear lanes of vision in all instances possible.

This Finals epitomizes experience versus youth. Neither team gets the edge on those identifiers alone. It will be a matter of who better uses their strengths to their advantage when it comes to tilting this series.

The Prince-of-Wales-Trophy-holding Penguins have a sleuth in Therrien as their bench boss. He's emerged from a moderate playing career, and an only mildly-impressive-at-best coaching past to assemble one of the best single-season NHL records in history with last year's 105-point campaign in Pittsburgh. His club, the talk of the league, was filled with potential, a chance to become the next Edmonton Oilers of the 80s and win multiple championships. They bowed out early in the first round, and have achieved the crucial: bottling their potential and exhibiting a marked improvement upon last year's impressive season.

The Penguins are loaded with talents seldom-seen in the league. They have the uber-young, coveted heir to the Gretzky throne in Sidney Crosby. He dons the "C," and leads veterans like Petr Sykora, Marian Hossa, Sergei Gonchar, and Pascal Dupuis. He also leads peers in Evgeni Malkin and Jordan Staal. Throw in the oft-improving netminding of Marc Andre-Fleury and x-factors like (House of) Georges Laraque and Gary Roberts. A guy can't find enough to say about Gary Roberts. In his own way, he's the journeyed version of clutch other sports see in the likes of Derek Jeter, Kobe Bryant, or Tom Brady. If Therrien's Penguins want this Cup, it's theirs for the taking.

Standing in their way, however, are the icons of professional hockey from around the world. Seldom does Detroit put together a less-than-excellent club, but this just might be the best they've skated in a long time. Better, perhaps than the days of the Federov/Yzerman-centered clubs that threw teams around for many years. This Red Wings team, if it can harness all its potential, has the ability to throw around all the talent and leadership in the seemingly unstoppable Pittsburgh Penguins.

Detroit can stop them, but they've faltered in two of their three previous rounds, nearly letting Nashville back in the Quarters, and the Stars in the Conference Finals. Tonight they square off against a Pittburgh club that becomes the 11th squad to reach the Finals with two or fewer losses since 1980. Hockeytown's mix of Czechs, Slovaks, Swedes, Fins, Canadians, and -- yes, even Americans could destroy the Penguins if they choose to take this team seriously.

Aside from the fact that Detroit has Chris Osgood (backed by Dominik Hasek, no less) in net, they're so stacked with champions, it's sickening. Darren McCarty, Brian Rafalski, Nicklas Lidstrom, Kirk Maltby, Tomas Holmstrom, Kris Draper, Pavel Datsyuk, and of course Chris Chelios are the loaded anchors of veteran poise that can command this club's march to victory. Add the youth and flair of Johann Franzen, Valtteri Fillpula, and Henrik Zetterberg, and that's one frightening lineup. Throw in the wit and grit of Mike Babcock, and, from this vantage point, the edge seems in Detroit's favor.

So much so, that I don't think the march of the Penguins down championship road starts here. Not this year. This Goliath is a few notches too deep to be toppled by the spryness of the Davidesque Pittsburgh. Gary Roberts turned 42 yesterday. He's been a staple everywhere he's played. The 46-year-old Chelios knows a thing or two about being a staple. He hoists one more Cup before hanging up the skates.

Having improved to an overall post-season prediction record of 52-32, I'm feeling pretty confident. This championship series could go seven games, all of which include overtime. But it won't. A rejuvenated passion has come alive in the Steel City. Mario's manning the team, Sid the Kid is living up to expectations, and the Igloo will finally be replaced. This could be the end to the 16-year Cup drought in Pittsburgh. But the stakes are too high in Hockeytown. It's been six years since Detroit won a Cup, and they've only won three in the last ten years. Wings in six.
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Friday Morning Fracas: 8-23-08

As we all head into the long weekend, it's time to have our weekly look around the sporting planet. After the jump we'll look at what's been happenin', what is happenin', and what's still left to happen. We might even watch an episode of "What's Happenin'!!" That'd be sweet. Make sure to get out the readin' spectacles, though. There's tons of great writing (Editor's Note: None of which was done by us.), some fun StubTubes, and even a handful of pictures. Woo-hoo!

After a strange, six-day delay in between rounds, the Stanley Cup Finals finally get underway tomorrow at 7 p.m. (Central) on Versus.



(courtesy of Awful Announcing)

Speaking of hockey, The Big Lead points out that Cloud9Sports has drawn a comparison between the great game on ice and the great woman talk-show host of the 20th century.



Me? I don't get it, but I'm not smart or rich.

Still more hockey: We Are the Postmen shares a feature on young Chicago Blackhawk Patrick Kane, and how he likes burying the disc in the twine, the biscuit in the basket, the stick in the (penalty) box.



Those these lovely ladies aren't Russian, I imagine the practice they display is one in which the great woman of Siberia and Moscow may want to employ when the youngster's around. Cane admits that when in Russia, "you’ll see the hottest chicks you’ll ever see. It’s not a great area but the girls down there, they’re pretty good."

In NFL news from The Postmen, the Cedric Benson tale gets bizarrer.



So far, the only certain facts we've gotten out of this twisted tale are: a) Cedric Benson owns a boat, and b) Cedric Benson hangs out with white girls. I mean, what is this, the 21st Century? Aren't those reason enough to put him away for life? Come. On. (Editor's Note: That was a joke, people.)

While we'd love to pledge more -- more, I mean some -- NBA coverage, that's a promise we can't guarantee. We're way too white, short, fat, uneducated, lazy, sans vertical jump, the list just keeps on going. What we can do, is point you in the direction of good hoops blogs from time to time.



Like Free Darko. They publish a) consistently, b) hoops material (almost exclusively), c) good writing, and d) lots of scary and odd photos. Have a looksie.

In MLB, the Red Sox made (relatively) easy work of the Royals in a four-game set this week. The fluctuation of scores was pretty interesting: (the no-hitter led off; 2-1; 6-3; 11-8). Each game had a the proverbial big inning, killing the Royals' chances. Yesterday's match, however, had more than one including a pair of Boston grand slams. Other news from the AL East include a Yankees victory?



Crazy. I can't figure out if that's the ghost of Billy Martin, or Lou Piniella, or Joe Girardi.

(courtesy of Bugs & Cranks)

Also in the sticks-and-balls department, more cameras to be added to the wide world of sports?

And hey -- some hockey! ESPN's Page II provides us with "44 Reasons Not to Miss the Stanley Cup Finals." There's some great stuff in there. Trust me. I know what I'm talkin' a-boot.

As (semi-) promised...



Happy Memorial Day, y'all.
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Tuesday ThumbTubes And YouNails

We now bring you live to another installment of ThumbTubes and YouNails, where we do absolutely nothing but post video clips, links, and photos that are occasionally complemented with colorless commentary and unimportant opinions. While we typically scour the Net for material related to the rough focus of this blog, it's never beyond us to include something random, distasteful, or completely disassociated with the sporting world. Join us after the jump.

We haven't checked in with our boy Rany in some time, but having done so mere moments ago, it's possible that we may need to expand upon the WalkOffWalk Watch, a Baseball in the Daytime in-post feature that lives and dies at random intervals each week. We would also like to suggest that Rany reconsider his sub-headline regarding Tony Pena, Jr., and perhaps examine his since-switching-to-glasses batting statistics.

While everyone's busy freaking out over LeBron James' "no regard for human life" (commentator Kevin Harlan) dunk, or Bron Bron telling his mom to sit down as she tries to give Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce a piece of her mind, I prefer to look at what James does more often than dunk/scold mom: travel.



The clip's old, but his non-dribbling skills have been on display this post-season as well. Or so I'm told. One of many (obvious) reasons why the NBA has become less and less appealing over the years.

The wily fellas at Kissing Suzy Kolber have offered another installment of their hilarious feature "Ask Jay Cutler." The series takes mailed-in questions from readers, and Cutler exerts endless amounts of time answering their questions with heartfelt answers, like this one:

I followed with great interest the recent news that you had been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I myself suffer from the same condition. I’m on a fixed income so dealing with it is a real challenge. I spend about $115 a month on insulin and that accounts for about 15 percent of my income. Sometimes I have to cut my dosage from week to week to make sure I make it to the next paycheck. I know the risks, but it’s something I’ve learned to monitor and live with. Certainly someone of your status has been exposed to effective strategies and low-cost programs for dealing with the disorder. Any help would be greatly appreciated. And Go Broncos!

-Struggling with diabeing

(Cutler's response):Get more money.

In an effort to perhaps touch the warm fuzzies of the blanche feverpisses of the world, Bugs and Cranks published this post in which Orlando Cabrera talks about how awesome being on the payroll for Los Californaheim is. And apparently the Halos' manager is a pretty bright cat.

With all due respect to the other big league managers, Mike Scioscia is the smartest guy in the big leagues right now,” Cabrera said. “Any team you give to him, he’ll turn it into a team that wins a lot of games. He teaches you how to outsmart your opponent.

Sources tell us that Scioscia also: pours a mean glass of lemonade; dominates a chessboard; always has cookies and pie on hand; is a closet Dodgers fan.

Sticking with baseball and the teams of guys that frequent this site, here are a couple dudes enacting Boston Red Stocking batting stances.



And here are some pinstripes impersonations.



And the Baby Bears.



Those guys are, uh, pretty funny. I trust the Royals batting stances will be up within mere hours.

In all things NFL-related, we haven't enjoyed a good poke at the brothers Manning in some time here on the House of Georges. Somebody has, though.



And of course we must have something hockey-related. This post from Big Daddy Balls is pretty spot on. I find it hilarious for a lot of reasons. Primarily, NHL '94 on the Sega Genesis is the game that got me going on video hockey. And