Lone Reader Wedding Weekend Wrap: Take Two

Sunday, the day after The Lone Reader's wedding was a day of mixed emotions indeed. The festivities were over; it was time for friends and family to go their separate ways, and TLR was likely happy and sad for more reasons than this. His two playoff-contending teams saw polar results in that his precious, not-just-Lebron Cleveland Cavaliers were eliminated from the NBA playoffs at roughly the same time that Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins advanced to the Stanley Cup Finals. These results again embodied highs and lows in sports-related emotion as the Cavs failed to get as far as they had last year, while the Pens have now advanced two rounds further than last year's post-season efforts. Because the concept of dissecting TLR is so enthralling, we'll have a bit more of it after the jump. Instead of basketball and hockey, however, the focus will be one of his favorite pigskin figures.

As I mentioned yesterday, newspapers are still cool. So much so that The Plain Dealer, a Cleveland-area-based publication sent reporter Tony Grossi on assignment to cover the so-called progress of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. For the sake of the not-exactly-flourishing print journalism, I'll spare any links and quote directly from the hard copy, the way Wilford Brimley would read as he eats oatmeal and tends to his dia-beetis in the morning. The interesting twist on the story is that it comes, via Grossi, from the perspective of Cleveland attorney Fred Nance, one of the four five finalists not selected as the next commissioner.

Nance's take on Goodell's efforts in a nutshell allegedly receive praise for his role in the task of "mission impossible...the ultimate pressure cooker." He also added:

Not that it wouldn't be fun to be the eye in the storm, but I think Roger, in many respects, was bred to that position and I can't see anybody doing any better.

Nance's opinion regarding the New England Patriots and spying is summarized as overblown in that it is not an issue to be dealt with by the government, but rather the league. Nance also admits that the stricter dealings with player conduct have been warranted, another indicator that Goodell has handled issues well. On the contrary, Nance admits that two major issues lie ahead for the commissioner, and how they're dealt with could be the major labels associated with Goodell's time in office. The first deals with the next labor agreement that will be signed. Grossi reports that Nance's understanding of the 2006 extension hosted a mix of owner pressure to get a deal done regardless of tendencies that suggested it too heavily favored the players.

The other is that of former NFL athletes. Nance discusses the vast amount of revenues associated with the NFL, and how those dollars, coupled with franchise appreciation set the total dollars associated with football far greater than those of other sports. That side of today's game, contrasted with that of yesterday, wherein certain players "can't afford their meds and are dying in poverty," suggest that the worst is yet to come in terms of challenges Goodell will face.

The grade on the commissioner's work thus far, Grossi's article suggests, would be well above that of a passing mark.

Other tidbits of interest from Sunday's Plain Dealer...

I can't agree more about the noise, smoke, and terribly loud music at the Cavs and other NBA games. I believe there is a large number of fans who honestly don't know the sound of a basketball on a wood floor or the squeak that sneakers make...

(compiled by Bud Shaw, Plain Dealer reporter) What? These kids never played Double Dribble?

Bernie Kosar is 1-1 against John Elway in the Arena Football League. Kosar's Gladiators defeated Elway's Colorado Crush, 50-46, Saturday night at Pepsi Center in Denver.

(attributed to staff reports) Man. I thought I was bitter.

Plain Dealer columnist Terry Pluto said that the Browns, in their never-ending quarterback controversy "had the ridiculous coin flip before (last year's) preseason opener to decide if Frye or Anderson starts."

Man. I thought the Chiefs had bad coaching.

(Update: Breaking NFL news regarding...No, not bad Chiefs coaching, but the Collective Bargaining Agreement. The owners have unanimously opted out of the current CBA set to expire in 2001. For reasons I cannot explain, Bob Kraft and Jerry Jones were among the selected owners to explain. Check it here. WhoeverthefuckScottHansonis shares the details here. Of course the commish checks in, and NFL Players Association President Gene Upshaw counters.
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Lone Reader Wedding Weekend Wrap: Take One

There's some sports material in here. I swear. But mostly, it'll be hodge-podgy, so feel free to move on. In sum, a select group of folks ranging from Maine to California to Zambia to Kansas City to Canadia all gathered this weekend to witness the House of Georges' adorable Lone Reader cash in his bachelor tokens for a life of beautiful wedded bliss (Editor's Note: Sucker.). Sources close to the ceremony weekend would assure that it was a good time. Unless you ask the kidneys and livers attached to those sources, that is. Translation: It is pure miracle that many aspects of this event were not wrecked and destroyed as most of the guests were ridiculously hammered for the entire four-day weekend. I know there was talk of going streaking. Whether or not it happened, I'm still unsure; I turned in around four a.m. most of the nights. My brain, however, survived, and actually absorbed a few facts. It promises to share a few of them after the jump.

(1) The Lone Reader's bachelor party started, odd as it may sound, at the NFL Hall of Fame. That was the meeting spot. I enjoyed myself there, and will likely touch on it once or 47 times as the week progresses. It was expensive, and didn't have tons of bells and whistles, but I thought it was pretty damn cool. I was blown away, however, at how many guys were not very impressed/disappointed by it. I'm not really sure what they were expecting...actually, I am: TLR wanted NFL cheerleaders selling giving away beer in each room. Immediately after our visit, we hit multiple liquor stores and spent roughly $400 on booze. Just to kick things off. And that doesn't include Friday night's keg, wedding reception alcohol, or the 80 bottles of Scotch rolling around the festival grounds all weekend.

(2) Liquor laws in Ohio are fucked up. The aforementioned purchase, we discovered at the register, could not be made with a credit card. Cash only. They gave us the legal "reasoning" behind that, but that's a brain cell that didn't make the flight home. In this purchase, no dark rum or vodka higher than 40-proof was included. Oh, it was desired; just not available. There's a total of one state-licensed liquor store in the entire county that sells vodka that doesn't freeze in the freezer, and rum that doesn't taste like seasoned urine. At the facility grounds, we walked around all weekend with booze in hand. I was seldom seen (wedding reception included) without a PBR can. We drank liquor in the lodge while checking in, cocktails on the ceremony grounds during the ceremony, and brought our own spirits to the catered reception that had boatloads of watered-down booze and Bud Light. Ugh. They let us bring our Scotch, our beer, and our Nalgenes full of concoctions into the recepation. They let us stash it behind the bar, and gladly served us our own booze on request. But not before carding us. Strictly and without fail, almost to the end. To me, that was like a Marine lieutenant asking the newly enlisted you if you're 18 just before he shoves you out of an airplane, but whatever.

(3) No matter what the journalists are saying that circulation/subscription numbers reveal, there are still some good newspapers out there. I did my duty everyday and brought an Ohio newspaper back to our cabin, and it was hungrily devoured. We learned lots from our print scribes over the weekend. For example, Cleveland Cavaliers fans exist, and somewhat cared about the team's playoff run. And Browns' coverage is pretty hard core, even in the off-season. And Indians' red-hot pitcher Cliff Lee is married. To a lady that can look hot (Editor's Note: Don't search. It only gets less flattering.).



So, yeah. We like papers, yes we do. We like papers...I thought I could do it, but threw up in my mouth a little bit instead. That's probably enough about this topic today, though. More tomorrow? Count on it.
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