Baseball In The Daytime: 8-18-08

It may be easy to forget about baseball, what with the Olympics and preseason football and that wicked case of crabs you caught over the weekend, but it's still here. Yup, for another month and a half, plus playoffs! Now if you think baseball is boring, that may be a bad thing. But if you're an intelligent individual that appreciates the graceful nuance of scratching nuts and spitting, rejoice.

We have a pair of reacharounds on tap, so take a good firm grip and pull...

NY Mets @ Pittsburgh, 10:35 Mountain Back in 1898 the USS Maine sank in Havana Harbor, precipitating the Spanish-American War that made both Teddy Roosevelt and a young private named John McCain famous. Some years later, John Maine was born in Parts Unknown, USA (actually Virginia).

Today Maine (John, not USS) takes the hill against Paul Maholm and the Pittsburgh Pirates. His Mets are aiming for a sweep of this four-game set and their seventh straight win overall. It's no coincidence that their recent hot streak has coincided with Maine's removal from the disabled list. Remember the Maine, To Hell with Spain (and Maholm)!

San Francisco @ Atlanta, 2:30 There are no foreign war entanglements associated with this contest, starting pitchers Barry Zito and Jorge Campill are both pacifists. Zito knows all the words to Afternoon Delight, however, and Campillo is really good at the card game Uno. Today's baseball trivia has been brought to you by Lucky Strikes, now with Flavor Crystals! Light 'em up and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 8-13-08

I woke up in a cold sweat this morning, remembering two things. One, my student loan payment is due tomorrow. God I hate my student loan payment. All that stupid shit I bought because the dumb government gave me the money.

The other is Baseball In The Daytime. Twas to be an easy beat today, with just a lone Yankee game on the docket. But lo, Mother Nature interjected and rained out the Cubs and the Braves last night, doubling my workload. Doubling! So now I don the tools of ignorance--coffee, keyboard, green eyeshade--and tap tap tap away at another installment of America's favorite feature.

Briquettes of insight after the jump...

Chicago Cubs @ Atlanta, 11:10 Mountain This is the first game of a precipitation-precipitated double-dip. If you only have the time or the means to take in one, by all means make it the nightcap featuring Rich Harden and Jorge Campillo. Should you be stuck with the matinee, well, crack an Old Style and make the best of it. Your visiting Cubbies hand the ball to Jason Marquis, your basic 4/5 starter who's given his club some innings this year while managing to avoid shitting his pants. I wouldn't imagine we'll see Marquis much come October unless things go horribly wrong...oh fuck, there I go jinxing the Cubs again. All apologies.

Meanwhile, the home Braves go with a gentleman named Charlie Morton. I know nothing about him, which doesn't mean much. It could be that Charlie Morton is a great undiscovered baseball treasure. Or Charlie Morton is the single crappiest pitcher to hike an MLB mound this season. Back in the old days, when the Cubs and the Braves were the only two teams you could regularly watch (on WGN and WTBS respectively), I hated these series because it meant being stuck with the same two clubs we always watched.

NY Yankees @ Minnesota, 11:10 Is this the final game for the Bronx Bombers at the old Metrodome? You have the Internet, you can find out for yourself. Alls I know is the Yanks are handily tanking, and the Baby Boss has all the excuses. Yes, Hank Steinbrenner emerged from his playroom yesterday and issued all sorts of proclamations--that these Yanks are the most injury-plagued team in history, that this season is a lost cause, that next year God damn it we're taking it all. OK then. You have to admit, any Yankee year that prominently leans on Darrell Rasner is probably not going well. The woebegotten righty faces Kevin Slowey today as New York tries desperately to stay relevant. Keep you chin up and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Trade Time: Snot On The Ball

Hey there folks, this is Old No. 7 checking in. I'm required by my parole officer to post once a month. But I'm not actually going to write anything, I've delegated the heavy lifting to my distant relative Anachro Capitalist. With the trading deadline in MLB just a couple hours off, AC weighs in on the Mark Teixiera (pronounced "Renteria") trade by his beloved Angels. This is the first in a soon-to-be-forgotten long-running series called "Snot On The Ball," in which Anachro will pumble you with baseball. Lots and lots of baseball.

A few weeks back, two handsome trades occurred in the National League Central Division. Cecil wrote about one here, and Old No. 7 wrote about one here. Today is my turn to discuss the third major trade that occurred just yesterday (no offense Humberto/Casey Blake). The trade I speak of involved the Angelitos de Los Anaheim and the Team of the Nineties- your Atlanta Braves.

Due to many reasons, mostly including injuries to key starters, the Braves have surrendered their season and given up on any attempt to sign Mark Teixiera to a long term deal. At this time of the season, this makes the Braves “sellers” in the trade circuit. In contrast, the Angels came into this week with a commanding division lead and the playoffs on their collective horizon. With many baseball pundits claiming that the angels were missing one piece to get to the glory hole land. By all accounts, this piece was “another big bat in the lineup”. This, my friends, would make the Angels “buyers”.

Among the rumored teams that were courting the services of Mark Teixiera, the Angels had the distinct advantage of being able to offer up an everyday replacement at first base, as well as a host of prospects. This year, however, the market has changed. Gone are the days of yesteryear when a team would literally sell their arsenal of future stars to “rent” a proven stud for the last months of the current season. Just like the embattled housing market, this year’s MLB trade deadline has become a buyers market.

While the details surrounding how the Casey Kotchman/Steve Marek for Mark Teixiera actually went down are unclear, it is apparent that sometime between the text messages while sitting on the throne and instant message chats, Angels GM Tony Reagins put an end to the days of not dealing before the trade deadline. In the past, Ex-Angels GM Bill Stoneman had been reluctant to trade away anybody to rent a player for the postseason run. With this move, Reagins sent a message to the Angels faithful that management wants to win it all, and win it now.

At first glance, this trade makes a ton of sense for both teams. The Braves acquire an exceptional defensive first baseman with a good bat. While Kotchman will never compete with Texiera in sheer power, he has proven himself as a quality contact hitter who does not strikeout. Kotchman is a young talent, and with more at bats, he should turn into a player of Don Mattingly’s caliber. The Angels will be able to give Vlad Guerrero much needed protection in an already potent lineup. The 1-2 punch of Guerrero/Texiera will be an ample anecdote to the Ortiz/Ramirez 1-2 in Boston that has been devastating to American League pitching for quite some time.

Turn the page to next season and this deal will leave many Angels fans with unanswered questions. Teixiera is an unrestricted free agent after the season and has no Southern California ties. In fact, Teixiera has expressed interest in playing for his home town Orioles. Scott Boras, noted super agent, represents Teixiera- a fact that is troubling for any team hoping to sign him. Despite the fact that Rex Hudler, Angels color man on TV, has noted that in private conversations with Teixiera he has expressed interest in playing for the Angels, there is no certain future for him with the Halos. If attempts at signing Texiera to a long term deal after the World Series fail, the Angels will have the services of unproven Cuban defector Kendry Morales at 1st base and a compensatory draft pick. Pair this with the Angels recent domination of their once-nemesis Boston Red Stockings, and you may be left shaking your head.

Fear not, Halo fans. The most important objective of the season is winning a World Series ring. Let the chips fall where they may regarding the signing of Teixiera to a long term deal. The point is, there is new blood in the front office and it doesn’t want to sit on its hands any longer. Sure, the media will still focus on the Yankees, Red Sox, and Mets, but it doesn’t matter much when they’re watching the Angels beat the Cubs in the World Series.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 6-25-08

This one goes out to the unemployed. I spoke yesterday to a buddy of mine, a big Cubs fan. He sold his house at the peak of a crazy real estate market and pocketed some healthy loot. He's moved to Denver now, where he halfheartedly seeks gainful employment and a new home. You might think he's down in the dumps right now.

On the contrary, he's having the summer of his life. Freed from the constraints of a mortgage and a J.O.B., my buddy is sitting on his ass and watching Baseball In The Daytime and every single Cubs game (often one and the same). His club has the best record in the majors and a preposterous 32-9 mark at Wrigley. So he sits, and he watches, and he blows through his nest egg. Good times indeed.

My friend will surely be tuning in to today's lone BITD affair, a matchup of two of the Cubs' National League rivals. I know you'll be joining him in spirit, unless you have a job...

Milwaukee @ Atlanta, 11:05 Mountain Since the AL has two fewer clubs than its big brother, you always have one lonely NL series going on in the midst of all the interleague hoopla. It's kind of like a big orgy where everyone finds a partner except two dudes in the corner, and they just sort of jerk each other off without making eye contact.

The Braves and the Brewers will grip those sticks today and look for a good stroke. Jeff Suppan starts for the visitors, while Jorge Campillo brings the home whites to the rubber. That'll be all the tortured gay sex references you probably need for the afternoon--enjoy the game and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-26-08

GOD BLESS AMERICA and God damn Canadia while we're at it. It's Memorial Day, when hard-working Americans take some time off, fire up the Kingsford, drink to excess and watch a little Baseball In The Daytime while they're at it. All across this great land there are extension cords snaked out to patios, stoops and decks, marrying the fine art of barbecue with the electronic transmission of, ugh, Skip Caray.

North of the border, however, those heathen hokey-loving fucktards are for the umpteenth time bastardizing both our great nation and our great national pastime. The Blue Jays have chosen this sacred holiday to once again thumb their noses at our veterans and the great wars they've fought to keep Canada safe from global oppression. You think you could have made it five minutes against the Axis alone, you Canuck cocksuckers? How did your Mounties fare fighting the Afghans, the Iraqis, Al Qaeda, the Vietnamese, the Koreans, the Germans, the Brits, the Mexicans, the Grenadians? That's right, you stayed home eating your cured ham and skating on ponds.

I'm a big advocate of pulling our brave men and women out of Mesopotamia, but I'm no pacifist. Let's send those soldiers, planes, tanks and bullets to Canadia and reclaim what's rightfully ours. Hell, I'll get off my fat blogger ass and fight too. Then maybe they'll schedule a Memorial Day game at a proper and dignified American hour...

Kansas City @ Toronto, 10:37 Mountain Have fun planning around this Royals game today, KC. Let's see, I need to get down to Price Chopper and pick up some steaks, grab some beer, the bank's closed, that's out, get home, light the coals in time for first pitch at when? I'm telling you, Ontario as the 51st State never sounded so good. Brett Tomko and Shawn Marcum (Actor: "What do you want on her face?" Director: "Marcum! Marcum!") start this one off to the strains of two national anthems.

Arizona @ Atlanta, 11:05 Back in the States, a pair of early Cy Young candidates lock horns in this Georgia peach. Many expected former Cy winner Brandon Webb to get off to the start he has (9-1, 0.98 WHIP). But few foretold the emergence of Jair Jurrjens into a poor man's ace (5-3, 1.17). Few outside of yours truly, that is. Let's not all start sucking each other's dicks just yet, however, I also thought Rich Hill would take it to the next level. And that level was not "Triple A."

NY Yankees @ Baltimore, 11:35 While these two knuckle-dragging clubs have virtually the same record a nickel south of first-place Tampa, they couldn't be more different in terms of public perception. The Orioles, sayeth the casual baseball observer, are toast. The Yanks, however, should right the ship any time. Not so fast, kid. Unless they suddenly start growing pitchers in a terra cotta pot in the dugout they will sink this season. Darrell Rasner, the first seedling from said pot, totes a 3-0 record into this game against Garrett Olson. Oh, and let me go on the record as saying that moving Joba to the rotation is dumber than a bag of hammers.

Milwaukee @ Washington, 11:35 From our nation's capital comes this Memorial Day's most patriotic contest. It features the Brewers, which is appropriate because Samuel Adams and Benjamin Franklin invented beer and it is produced in no other nation, especially Canada. Ben Sheets is the Sconnies' starter, while Jason Bergmann takes up the flag of the hometown Nats.

LA Dodgers @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 From the Friendly Confines comes our final exhibition of sunshine roundball. Chad Billingsley was bumped from his scheduled turn yesterday by the kid phenom Clay Kershaw and goes today. Now many veterans would bristle at this slight, but Billingsley ought find the plate once in a while before he starts pulling rank. Ryan Dempster starts for the Cubs, but Ryan Dempster is a God damned Canadian. That sound you just heard was Humberto enlisting in the Marines, ready to invade the moment he's given the order from his superior. All jokes aside, folks, take a little time today to thank a vet, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-20-08

Back from a weekend hiatus in which Banky travelled to the Pro Football Hall of Fame (which is overrepresented by Chiefs and Steelers) and I went to a gay play manly ballgame with Cecil, we bring you another edition of Baseball In The Daytime. We're stuck with but the one contest this afternoon, and it's a Mets game no less. So after the jump we'll get into a few fun no-hitter morsels.

NY Mets @ Atlanta, 11:05 Mountain When I looked at the NL East prior to the season, I saw flaws in all of the teams. Florida has no money (they're in first place), Washington has no stars (accurate), Philly has no pitching (likewise), and Atlanta has a weird mix of elderly stars and low-upside prospects (pretty close). Los Mets, however, seemed to be stacked--they added Johan Santana to an above-average rotation, their lineup was loaded, and I still has faith in Willie Randolph.

Well, I was dead wrong. Santana has been effective but he's no panacea. Outside of today's starter John Maine (who's facing the Braves' Tom Glavine) the other starters have been atrocious (especially Oliver Perez). The bullpen can't hold a lead and the closer's a dick. And that vaunted offense has sputtered mightily. On those times I am forced to watch this wreck of a team, I find myself thinking that if you can retire David Wright you can pretty much sail through this lineup. It's basically a one-man batting order.

Lester No-Hits Royals It's nice to know that my personal no-hitter jinx has been exorcised. I watched the beginning of last night's KC-Boston game, left for dinner in the fourth, listened a bit on my way home, but only found out about Lester's bid in the ninth. I'm happy for the kid, happy for my own decision to stick with him on my fantasy team, and I'm blessed with a few leftovers this morning.

As Royals fan Rob Neyer pointed out (Insider required) on ESPN.com today, KC hadn't been no-hit since 1973. In fact, the last one (hurled by Nolan Ryan, his first of seven) occurred six days before I was born. This most recent no-no comes the same week I turn 35.

In that time, Neyer continues, the Royals have been one-hit a whopping 23 times, including once by current Red Sox pitching coach John Farrell.

I also find it remarkable that Jason Varitek has now caught four no-hitters in eight years, while Los Mets have been around since 1962 and have never had a pitcher record the feat (Ryan, Tom Seaver, David Cone and Dwight Gooden notched their hitless games after leaving Queens). So go get 'em, John Maine, and Play Ball! Read more

Baseball In The Daytime: 5-12-08

It's Monday, and that means it's trash day in my neighborhood. We have a bit of a bear problem where I live, so it's advisable to keep your rubbish in the garage until you leave for work on Monday morning. The folks across the street failed to heed this wisdom, and therefore my street was coated with refuse and smelled like Pittsburgh.

Major League Baseball also has a little bit of Pittsburgh-scented cleanup today, as a slew of rainouts yesterday have left us with a little Baseball In The Daytime. We've got Jays battling Injuns in the front end of a double dip in Cleveland, as well as a rare all-BITD doubleheader from The Burgh. By the way, how ironic is it that Mother Nature disrupted so many games on Mother's Day?

Atlanta @ Pittsburgh Game 1, 10:35 Mountain Jair Jurrjens is one of the breakout players in this young season. The native of Curacao (I don't know where to find that funny little tail on the second "C" of that word) is humming along at 4-2 with a 2.84 ERA thus far this year, nicely rounding out a Braves rotation that's minus John Smoltz and Mike Hampton. Jurrjens faces Zach Duke in this opener at PNC Park.

Atlanta @ Pittsburgh Game 2, 2:05 Stick around, baseball fans, because we're not finished with exciting Braves-Pirates action! I wouldn't exactly call a Pirates game "action," although it is slightly more titillating than watching the Food Network. Unless Bobby Flay is on. Tim Hudson challenges some kid named John Van Benschoten to a throwdown here, and they'll try not to serve up too many taters.

Toronto @ Cleveland, 2:05 Our hastily composed slate of Rust Belt baseball concludes with a doubleheader from Progressive Field in Cleveland. The first game of the day features a couple of nasty pitchers who occasionally face control issues. Fausto Carmona hurls for the home team, having walked 31 men in less than 40 innings pitched this season. A.J. Burnett, baseball's ultimate tease, once pitched a no-hitter while issuing nine bases on balls. That strikes me as an exceedingly difficult thing to do. Keep it near the plate, fellas, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The daytime: 5-8-08

On this Thursday, Major League Baseball's docket of games played sans electric illumination is diverse. There are first place teams and last place teams, good pitchers and bad pitchers, fat kids, skinny kids, even kids with chicken pox.

What I'm saying is, there are a lot of games. Six to be exact. And I don't have a coherent theme to tie them all together. Shit, yesterday I had a pounding headache and a gerbil in my throat and I came up with something...

San Francisco @ Pittsburgh, 10:35 Mountain The Battle For The Honor Of Matt Morris concludes today at the confluence of the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio Rivers. Morris was a washed-up old hack pulling down an eight-figure salary from the Giants last year when Brian Sabean snookered the Pirates into taking him on. After really, really blowing throughout April, Pittsburgh released him a couple weeks back. Who looks dumber? Find out today, as Matt Cain and Paul Maholm toe the same rubber Morris once did.

San Diego @ Atlanta, 11:00 If funny pitcher names are your thing, it doesn't get much better than Wilfredo Ledezma versus Jo-Jo Reyes. In fact, I'm pretty sure The Wilfredo And Jo-Jo Fun-Time Comedy Revue is the highest-rated television series in Honduras. True story.

Cleveland @ NY Yankees, 11:05 The star of this show is human growth hormone. Numerous Yankees have either fessed up or been named in the Mitchell Report, and today's Indian starter Paul Byrd made a tear-filled confession amidst the Tribe's defeat of the Yanks in last year's ALDS. Mike Mussina, who'll get the ball for the Bombers, may be clean. He does hate black people. I have no idea how he feels about Indians.

Minnesota @ Chicago White Sox, 12:05 At one point early in the history of this nation, Chicago was a remote outpost on the edge of civilization, the northern- and westernmost place a settler could go without being ingested by grizzly bears. Little did anyone know, however, that Swedish Vikings were living it up at the headwaters of the Mississippi river, site of present day Minneapolis. What's any of this have to do with Ozzie Guillen and inflatable fuck dolls? Good question. Kevin Slowey and John Danks start, you decide.

St. Louis @ Colorado, 1:05 The Rockies' feeble defense of their NL pennant continues, and now they're finding pitchers in the Westword personal ads: ISO available swarthy gentlemens, Hi K rates, Lo ERA, drug and disease free. Well, that last part's negotiable. This afternoon's lucky bachelor is Jorge De La Rosa, recently of the Brewers but, let's be honest, he's pitched everywhere. Badly. He'll engage in warfare with Kyle Lohse.

Philadelphia @ Arizona, 1:40 One might call this a Clash Of Aces, but then one might have his frame of reference stuck in 2006. Brandon Webb is indeed the ace of the home D'Bags, and he's the early favorite for the NL Cy Young award. Brett Myers, however, is a shell of his once-dominant self. His velocity is shot and he looks like a marmot. Lucky for him, he's got a woman that don't talk back.

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Baseball In The Daytime: 4-30-07

We're back on the day train today, with a respectable slate of six games on tap barring weather shenanigans. Before we get to the schedule, though, I have a couple of items to go over.

It's Fantasy Baseball Week here at the House, and I'll spend a little time breaking down the season so far, in particular the Ted Williams Frozen Head league that all us HoG farmers participate in. In the past I've given Banky a gentle ribbing in this space over some of his management decisions, and that's made him very, very angry. So Bank gets a pass and I'll instead focus on fellow staffer Cecil. His Fort Meast Blood Badgers are, thus far, the Ted's finest team. In fact, he's playing yours truly this week, and I'll regale you with updates--because there's absolutely nothing more thrilling than hearing about somebody else's fantasy team. I'll also analyze the cellar-dwellers, who've assembled two of the worst clubs I've ever seen.

If you missed the HBO special Bob Costas hosted last night, you should attempt to catch the re-air in the next week or two (I had no luck digging up a YouTube clip). Utterly jaw-dropping. I have to get into it later in the day, because it touches on so many nerves--sports, blogs, talk radio, ESPN, angry old dick journalists, the death of newspapers, privileged athletes, privileged sportswriters, Big Daddy Drew, dudes in their moms' basements typing in their underwear. Stay tuned, and enjoy the day games after the jump...

Chicago White Sox @ Minnesota, 11:10 Mountain These two AL Central rivals renew unpleasantries under the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome today. Nick Blackburn starts for the home team, while the visitors turn to Nick Masset for a spot start, the second of his career. It's hot Nick on Nick action. But it's not Nick at Nite, because it's Baseball In The Daytime.

Pittsburgh @ NY Mets, 11:10 The Florida Marlins have led the NL East for the last few weeks, a mirage all of baseball knew would eventually pass. Today may be the day, as the mighty Mets have pulled to within a half-game of the Fish and face another low-payroll outfit. The Pittsburgh Pirates make one of their last appearances at Shea, led by starting pitcher Tom Gorzelanny. His mound foe? None other than Oliver Perez, the ex-Pirate. Awk-ward.

Cincinnati @ St Louis, 11:15 This game at Busch IV (?) features the afternoon's strongest head-to-head pitching duel, Aaron Harang v. Braden Looper. If you worked in a sandwich shop, however, and either Aaron Harang or Braden Looper called in an order, you'd laugh out loud at those names.

Houston @ Arizona, 1:40 Fuck me, Arizona is good. I did not think their young offense could simultaneously catch fire this year, yet they're leading the world in every hitting stat. I knew their pitching would be good, but not this good. Now they call up this kid Max Scherzer, who looks like an unhittable witch doctor out of the pen. I was wrong, the Diamondbacks are right. Greeley native Shawn Chacon gets the unenviable task of pitching to these freaks today, while Unit does the same to the Astros. I hope the ten-run rule is in effect, it may be needed.

Colorado @ San Francisco, 1:45 Meanwhile, the D'Bags opponent in last year's NLCS is doing a nice job of blowing the entire season before the start of May. Franklin Morales was sent down to Colorado Springs yesterday, while his righthanded compliment Ubaldo Jimenez has one start--today--to save his job in the rotation. Jimenez would most likely already be riding a Triple-A bus if he had any options left, as he's walked virtually every batter he's faced this season. You might think a game against the Giants would be good for what ails ya, but at this point San Fran is a better team than Colorado. Ouch. Dirty Jonathan Sanchez hurls for the Giants.

Atlanta @ Washington, 2:35 No one has seen more of the Nationals' new park than the Braves, who are in the midst of their third trip to DC this month. No one, of course, other than the Nationals themselves. And the contractors that built it. And the pigeons that roost there. Those pigeons will today witness a start by Jair Jurrjens, who came to Atlanta in the Edgar Renteria trade last winter. The Nats go with Shawn Hill, who'll make his second start of the season following a stint on the DL. Keep it clean, boys, and Play Ball! Read more

Baseball In The Daytime: 4-10-08

There's a little less attention on the diamond today, with the opening round of the Masters getting underway. Whether or not you're a golf guy, the Masters is something you notice--it's the one tournament my dad still watches, for instance. I blew it assembling our pool this year, it snuck up on me.

Turning back to MLB, it's Thursday, and that means a handful of getaway games before the weekend series. So take a peek at today's schedule, and maybe you'll find something to occupy your eyeballs until the broadcast from Augusta gets underway at 2:00 Mountain...

Seattle @ Tampa Bay, 10:40 The leadoff contest today is an early tilt at the Trop in Tampa. Even with all of their bullpen foibles, the Mariners stand on the precipice of sweeping the Bay-Rays. Starting assignments go to Miguel Batista, who's horrible but is an accomplished writer and once gave my wife an autograph, and Edwin Jackson, who's just horrible.

Cincinnati @ Milwaukee, 11:05 With every passing day, the Reds bandwagon swells with membership. They hammered the Brew Crew 12-4 yesterday, and they stand to win the series behind ace Aaron Harang today. Carlos Villanueva is your Brewers' starter.

Atlanta @ Colorado, 1:05 The slumbering lumber finally awoke at Coors last night. The Rox plated a dozen runs against the Braves, this after scoring the same amount through the first week of the season. Holliday is finally heating up, and the timely hits with runners on are showing up. Tim Hudson is charged with slowing down the onslaught today, while Jeff Francis tries to turn in his first non-dismal start of the year.

Baltimore @ Texas, 3:05 Yesterday's rainout necessitates today's doubleheader, with Game One dropping the puck under the Lone Star sunshine (or perhaps more rain). The Orioles, yes the Orioles, are the hottest team in the whole damn sport and have yet to lose a game in the month of April. This is better than going undefeated in, say, January, because these games count! Bud Selig, feel free to use that line in pimping the mighty Baltimore Orioles. Steve Trachsel starts today against Kevin Millwood, making this pretty much the most unwatchable pile of crap game ever imagined, but remember--the Orioles are on fire!

So whether you're driving the fairway at Augusta or facing a 79-mph Trachsel heater, keep your head down, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 8-9-07

Thursday arrives once again, with its smorgasbord of matinee baseball, and I'm struck by how quickly these weeks run together in the summertime. During the fall and winter, when your favorite football team plays once a week, you can't wait for the days to pass and get back to Sunday. But these days of sunshine and bikini tops are burned up in a flash. Enjoy these games anyway.

Batting leadoff are the Braves and the Mets at 10:10 Mountain on XM 186 and DTV 734. It's the rubber match of a three-game set, and the New York lead in the NL East sits at 4 1/2 over the Braves (with the fightin' Phillies sandwiched in between). This game also gives us our best daylight pitching battle, as Tim Hudson hurls against John Maine.

At 10:35 the Dodgers attempt to staunch the bleeding of their once-promising season in Cincinnati. The boys in blue have dropped six straight to fall five back in the NL West, with the last three defeats having come via shutouts. LA hasn't scored a single run in 28 innings. Perhaps they should have acquired a bat at the deadline after all, eh? Those three shutout losses came to starting pitchers Brandon Webb, Bronson Arroyo and Aaron Harang, so there's not really any shame involved. Crossing the plate should be a little easier today, as Phil Dumatrait is charged with stopping the Dodgers. His counterpart will be Brett Tomko, on XM 189 and DTV 735.

At 11, the Devil Rays visit the Tigers on XM 180 and DTV 736. Detroit has taken two of three already from the Rays following a season-long six-game skid. They could close their half-game deficit in the AL Cenral, at least temporarily, with a win. That burden falls to Jeremy Bonderman, who takes on fellow young laser rocket arm Scott Kazmir.

From the shoulder of I-70 comes a game between the Twins and the Royals at 12:10. Even if you wanted to watch this game outside the metropolitan areas of KC and the Twin Cities, DirecTV is having none of it. Which is a good thing, because games broadcast from the Kauff generally look as though the camera lens was smeared with Vaseline. Feel free to upgrade at any time, Mr. Glass. At least you can listen to newly minted Hall of Famer Denny Matthews describe the duel between Matt Garza and deadline acquisition Kyle Davies on XM 181, should you so desire.

Finally, the Nats and Giants wrap up their ballyhooed series next to McCovey Cove at 1:35. I'm fairly certain that Barry will take a pass on this one, what with the whole day-game-after-a-night-game arrangement. So "Joel Hanrahan" and "758" will most likely never appear in the same sentence, except the one you just read. Some kid named Patrick Misch gets the nod for San Francisco, on XM 184 and DTV 737. Cheers!
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Down To The Deadline

So we sit an hour away from the non-waiver trading deadline in Major League Baseball, and I have to admit: this is pretty damned exciting for a nerd like me. The only blockbuster deal so far was yesterday's exchange that sent Mark Tex-her-ea to the Braves, but there's a lot cooking on this stove right now.

I'm sitting in a bar, stealing a wireless signal, and watching the closed captioning on a tiny TV. It's like old times again. I'm very surprised to announce that television is kicking the Interwebs' asses right now in terms of giving me frivolous trade rumors. And in another blatant shocker, ESPN is leading the way. They've handily shut down the network and given the keys to studio host Karl Ravech. We're getting regular dispatches from Gammons and Buster, which are masterful. Their unfiltered excellence is, of course, balanced by the unmatched stupidity of Steve Phillips. God damn it I hate that fucker. He's horrible. He makes John Kruk and Eric Young look like Branch Rickey and Vin Scully.

Anyway, the most interesting potential moves deal with relievers. Octavio Dotel is all but a Brave, reportedly in exchange for starter Kyle Davies. I think that's actually a pretty sweet pickup for the Royals. Davies is nothing special, but he can eat up some innings and he's young and cheap.

Folks are talking about Chad Cordero maybe heading to the Mets. Everybody needs starting pitching, and nothing is out there, so when the A's dangle Joe Blanton and the White Sox field offers for Jon Garland, the shit gets frenzied.

Two of the biggest names floating about are Eric Gagne and Jermaine Dye, and the odds-on favorites to get both, amazingly, are the Red Sox. It might meaning parting with such promising young relievers as Manny Delcarmen and Craig Hansen, low-ceiling starter Kason Gabbard and/or strikeout machine Wily Mo Pena. Fucking. Do it. The idea of former Cy Young winner Gagne as a setup man to Papelbon and former World Series MVP Dye as the fourth outfielder creates wood in my short pants.

Update: ESPN has shit-canned the excellent trade deadline programming and replaced it with some Jeremy Schapp Outside The Lines hooey. Because every baseball fan is more interested in further discussion of Barry Bonds and steroids than things that might actually affect this season's pennant races. Jackasses. Read more

Hunkerin' Down

There's no day baseball today, but we do kick off a number of important series in the majors. For a more complete rundown of what's going on all across MLB, including an excellent analysis of the Royals' recent hot play and trading-deadline decisions and some news about Barry and A-Rod's special balls, check out, as always, Buster.

ATLANTA @ SAN FRANCISCO (4 GAMES)

Sure, you're being overwhelmed with Barry crap right now, but it's not every day that someone passes Hank Aaron. The Giants have rigged Barry's playing time in order to let the beast get his record in San Francisco, and now AT&T Park welcomes its genetic freak home for seven days of delirium. I think we're all hoping we can just get this over with sooner rather than later, and the first episode goes down tonight at 8 Mountain on ESPN2.

The Braves are quietly hanging around in the NL East race at 3 1/2 back, as the Mets still can't put either Atlanta or Philadelphia away. Smoltz pitches tonight, and Barry has eight jacks against him in his career, and blah blah blah...Joe Morgan can fill you in on all this shit later.

BOSTON @ CLEVELAND (4 GAMES)

Two of the better teams in the American League hunker down for a scrum at Jacobs Field, starting tonight at 5 on ESPN2. The Red Sox are embarking on their most difficult stretch of the second half, as their next six series are at Cleveland, at Tampa, home vs. Baltimore, at Seattle, at Los Anaheim, at Baltimore. They get Jon Lester's feel-good story on the mound this evening. He had cancer and blah blah blah...talk to Joe.

Boston is seven and a half up on New York following the Yanks' blistering of the D'Rays over the weekend (45 runs combined on Saturday and Sunday, yo). The Tribe sits a game back of Detroit, who despite dropping a series to Kansas City is still playing lights-out ball. So this series is pretty stinkin' big.

NY YANKEES @ KANSAS CITY (4 GAMES)

Bankmeister informed me this morning that he'll be taking in at least one of these games, which is a good thing. Otherwise I might have had to revoke his access card to the HoG's palatial corporate headquarters in suburban Overland Park. There's a lot happening here, including:

Kansas City's remarkable run (24-19 since June 1) combined with the wretched play of the White Sox has the two teams tied for fourth place. KC has a chance to finish somewhere other than last for the first time since 1896. Wait, did I say 1896? I meant 1896.

The Yankees come in smoking hot (9-3 since the break and 30-17 since June 1) and are clearly back in the postseason picture. In addition to pulling within shouting distance in the East, they're 6 1/2 back of Cleveland in the wild card standings, with only Seattle standing between them and the Indians.

KC doesn't really care who you are or what your record is, as evidenced by their play last week. They strutted into the homes of first-place Boston and first-place Detroit and took two of three from both clubs. These aren't your father's Royals, but they aren't your older brother's version either.

Best of all, tomorrow is some anniversary of George Brett's pine tar home run, and the Royals are running a t-shirt promotion with a powder-blue Old No. 5 smeared in faux pine tar. Bloody brilliant. Now don't fuck it all up, Royals--the nation is watching you in your quest to topple the hated Yankees. Finish the job.

SAN DIEGO @ COLORADO (3 GAMES)

All of their hard work this season has garnered the Colorado Rockies exactly nothing but a chance. They're in the divisional picture at 5 1/2 out of first, and they get the second-place Padres and the first-place Dodgers at Coors all week. If they can win either or both series, they're officially legitimate. Tonight's starters are soft-tossing maestros Greg Maddux and Jeff Francis. One of these guys is a future Hall of Famer and who's fond of Internet chat with underage boys, and the other one is the only professional athlete named "Francis" not to have been labeled "Franchise" at some point in his career. Until tonight. Or maybe not. Read more

Fatlock Follies: Rollin' Solo; Playin' An Interesting Form of the Race Card

Eris Banks, of Conyers, Ga., the guy pictured here on the left felt, for perhaps constitional-rights reasons, it necessary to display his clever, non-hilarious poster at yesterday's Atlanta Braves home game. The story is not that the Braves outhit the hapless Reds 10-18, or that they let the Reds take a two-run lead in the top of the 15th inning. Nor is the story about the run the Braves produced in the bottom of the 15th, or that they ultimately lost 5-4. Exciting game, huh? No. The story is that Banks, along with who knows how many other Atlanta locals intend on supporting Mike "Dawg Killa'" Vick and his entourage.



I'm aware of this photograph because it appears next to today's column by The Kansas City Star columnist Jason Whitlock. Whitlock, as I've said in other posts about the sports writer, has an interesting take on race, arguably our nation's biggest issue. Whitlock continues to suggest that the forlorn behavior of numerous contemporary African-American athletes has large ties to, and is inseparable from, the hip-hop/prison culture so often associated with black lifestyles.

Allow me to elaborate. The hip-hop side involves lyrics and images in rap and hip-hip music wherein "characters" continuously sell drugs, tote firearms, and act misogynistic. The prison side has something to do with the inexplicable misconception that doing time is cool simply because so many African-American males are, at one time or another, incarcerated; it's a shared experience, a bonding of sorts. The most obvious thing to transcend prison life onto American streets would be the oversized tees and baggy pants, a style that expresses the generic, non-fitting prison shirt and the lack of belt privileges in the can, thus the falling-down drawers and the massively oversized tops that, one would think, should cover up the backside of one's boxer shorts.

Nevertheless, Whitlock, regardless of his years spent being the first to play the race card in almost every race-related, sports-affiliated issue, has abandoned that camp and erected a shelter in which he, for the time being anyway, stands alone. Though I badger him on the InterWebs and annoy him with e-mails he won't answer, I hold a tremendous amount of respect for him for this endeavor. I can't say if it's self-promotion or genuine; I'd like to think the latter is true. I will say, that if it is in fact genuine, he'd better recruit some folks to take up arms with him. That's because, thus far, in the Michael Vick debacle, everyone else seems to already be playing that damnable race card.

Cecil's boy Colin Cowherd received a slew of e-mails on "The Herd" yesterday on ESPN radio, several of which he read over the air. One was from a listener named Jamie in Albany, NY that claimed the only reason the feds indicted Vick is because he's black. Several callers to "The DA Show" (KCSP/610 AM) here in Kansas City this morning offered similar musings. Luckily, both hosts put their respective audience members in their places.

I never thought I'd say this before, but it's time to wake up, people. Listen to -- you don't have to agree -- what Whitlock is saying

Banks is right. Vick is innocent. Right now. He's also entitled to a fair trial, just like any other man or woman. The National Football League and the Atlanta Falcons are doing the right thing by not offering statements or handing down discipline until the legal system has evaluated the situation. Things don't look promising for Young No. 7, though. If you have a large piece of property from which canine corpses are exhumed, operate a business called "Bad Newz Kennels" from that property, lie about the frequency of your presence on that property, and have documents circulating the Internets about how said corpses were executed (allegations of electrocution, drowning, hanging, beating), I hope for your sake you saved some of that signing bonus to hire intelligent legal representation, 'cause you in troubs, homes. You in troubs.

And don't get me wrong. If Vick was white, I'd say, "That's quite a pickle you've gotten yourself into, Lester. Quite a pickle."



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