Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tuesday Tidbits: A Predominantly Orange Julius


I'm supposed to be talking about why the Jason Kendall signing was the worst in Dayton Moore's tenure as Royals GM, but I gotta get this two-week-old post out there first. It comes from Kim Constantinesco over at Predominantly Orange, and is cleverly titled "Why Being a Broncos Fan Is Better Than Being a Chiefs Fan." The list, with commentary, after the jump.

1. It’s been so long since the Chiefs have won a Super Bowl that they decided to bring in Mike Vrabel just to admire his rings. (Note: Good one. Don't lists like this usually start with 10 and work down to 1? Know the other thing about Mike Vrabel? He was free.)

2. Larry Johnson was released from the Chiefs because he used the C-word. “Chiefs.” (That's a great joke right there. 'C-word.' And, then, see? She made it seem like Chiefs is the curse word.)

3. The main tornado shelter in Kansas City is at Arrowhead. After all, they never get a touchdown there. (On the one hand, I'm sure you could use any stadium for the purposes of this joke, but it actually did make me chuckle...mostly because it's true...which makes we cry a little bit. So, thanks, Kim, for making me cry. In actuality, the Chiefs have not scored a touchdown in any stadium in the first quarter this season, and I think that streak goes back into one of last season's games, which makes me just a touch insane. Just a touch.)

4. The one time VP for player personnel for the Patriots, Scott Pioli, is now GM for the Chiefs. Before being hired in January, he thought about taking an easier job like turning water into wine. (Wait a minute: Is this implying that turning the Chiefs into a championship-caliber franchise will be a difficult task? Well that's just not very nice.)

5. Former Charger, Chris Chambers, is now a Chief. I hear he joined because he wants to retire early. (I just flat out don't get this one. Retire early? Like, he won't play in Kansas City? That'd be hilarious if he didn't lead the club in receptions, receiving yards, and receiving touchdowns since getting here.)

6. Tony Gonzales saved a man from choking in a restaurant. If only he could’ve done the same thing for the Chiefs. (Wow. There are so many things wrong with this. Where shall we start? Oh, I know: the spelling of the player's name. C'mon, Kim. Really? The restaurant joke? 'Round here ol' Tony gets pelted with jokes about being gay and liking the prison showers. This ain't Triple-A, girl. And where was it that the Chiefs choked? Choking implies that you're playing for something important, something on the line.)

7. KC Wolf is better than half the players on the Chiefs’ defensive line. (I'll leave this one alone in that the Chiefs D is actually not very good. I will, of course take opportunity to point out that a commenter in the post said this: "I still contend that thing is not a wolf. I seriously thought it was a mouse until I read that a year ago," which is at least consistent with my colleagues, who call it "The Rat." I say, call KC Wolf what you will. Regardless of his name, he'll kick the living snot out of Miles any day.)

8. A Kansas City judge has allowed a man to be temporarily released from jail to see Sunday’s game. The judge felt watching the Chiefs play four quarters was equivalent to at least two years in prison. (See comments on number three.)

9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mike Cox. Mike Cox who? Mike Cox is better than yours. Lame name. (Kim -- Mike Cox is less than engorged at your efforts at Mike Cox humor. Not only that, but it's Mike Cox is the antithesis of a lame name.)

10. Arrowhead Stadium was approved for renovations which will be completed in 2011. They’re able to fund the project with all the money they save by not fielding a football team. (Huh? You mean taxes? Whatever you mean is fine. If you like, c'mon out to the 'Head sometime. Our stadium at one-third capacity is louder than yours is full.)

And what better way to cap such an awesome post off then the ol':

"Go Broncos!"

Them's some original good times.


13 comments:

Kyle said...

If you're gonna rip on someone's piece, at least link to the actual item and not some external YB shell so the author catches a glimpse of it.

/mutters c-words under breath

bankmeister said...

Good eye, there, Kyle. Haste hath no virtue, especially in the blogosphere.

/mutters wishes of an Oakland win

Cecil said...

Waitaminit-is that Kyle from BroncoTalk chiming in? If so, kudos on helping drive Woody Paige over the edge.

KimCon14 said...

I'm touched you're talking about this 2 weeks after the Broncos-Chiefs game! Your rebuttals are as entertaining as watching paint dry. Hope you can get over the loss. We'll see you again in Jan. Same teams, same result guaranteed.

bankmeister said...

Oh, yeah? Care to place a little wager on the January game? Also, I would've offered paint-drying rebuttals sooner had I seen the post earlier.

Cecil said...

Come now, Kim. We Bronco supporters have to do better than hackneyed phrases such as "watching paint dry." To wit:

"Reading your rebuttals reminded me of the time I fucked a quarterhorse on a bet and ended up getting my schlong caught in barbed wire."

"I just showed a copy of your post to a baby and it made the baby sick."

"Your lack of style, verve and craftsmanship are all sadly indicative of the lumpen midwestern shit-tank in which you contentedly float."

"44-13."

Carry on.

KimCon14 said...

I'm down for a little wagger. What do you have in mind?

bankmeister said...

It can be anything you like. A little cash. A piece of fan merchandise. A post for one another's site. What sounds good to you?

Dylan said...

Good lord. The Orange Bravado has finally got on its feet out west.
Waggers bein made and stuff.
8-5 will do that to you. Kings of the world, I say.
The good news is , indeed, we will see you in January.
DKC

Dylan said...

Kyle...nerd alert... save the
internet-specifics for your job's editor's meeting.
that shit is boooring.
YB shells n all
This thread is about Chiefs beating Broncos...period.
And KimCon's 10 different cliches.
This is the HOG comment board...no rules.
You guys want to bet against the Chiefs.....?
Make your waggers.
DKC

KimCon14 said...

You lose, you post a picture of yourself on your site with either a Broncos hat or a Broncos jersey on (smile included). I lose, and I do the same with Chiefs apparel. Virtual shake?

bankmeister said...

Deal.

Dylan said...

Do the Broncos have the late season heroics to beat the Chiefs at home in 0010?

I'm gonna say they have ran the new coach-fist-pump..one good,tall crazy receiver..one imported conservative QB....NFL team into that wall.
That wall is tall.
Cecil and Seven couldn't climb it with the lengths of three hookers and Bank propping them up.

The Broncs will lose this final game to the team trying to be the worst in the league.
I say many stupid things, and I like this thing. It has been said.
DKC