In keeping with our alliterative titling convention, I bring you both the first in what might very well become a semi-regular feature here at the House. Maybe. If I feel like it, or I haven't had too much PBR Light the evening before, or if the moon is in the seventh house.
Past the hop, I'll offer a short series of takes on yesterday's accidental Broncos win, segmented in helpful bloggy style for your short attention spans.
The Broncos won on a freak play that made me dance in place and nearly soil myself, that's what. There's no way they end up winning that game without the help of the Astronaut, the Builder of the Pyramids, the Man From Outer Space.
Even though their D outclassed the supposedly rebuilt and newly scary Cincinnati offense from the opening snap, the offense was as bad as I've seen since, uh, Jake Plummer was here. Brandon Marshall looked like he was trying to singlehandedly throw the game, McDaniels was leaning on the pass when he should have been hammering them with the run, pre-miracle Brandon Stokely dropped a key 3d down and Orton took a criminally dumb sack on their next-to-last possession. If he throws the ball away there, they kick the field goal and win a normal, if boring, game. I'd like to say that the passing game is a work in progress, so I will: it's a work in progress, assholes, so stop with your hurtful criticisms.
Now come the Cleveland Browns, another team that the lightbulb-headed guardian of the predictable storyline thinks is going to have a terrible year. Didn't they win 10games two seasons back, and everyone was talking about Joe Thomas and Braylon Edwards and Brady Quinn like they were the foundation of a long-time winner? They might still be, I guess, but they got absolutely hamboned by an overrated Minnesota team on Sunday. We get them in Denver, where I can't ever recall Cleveland winning, and I'd like to think that maybe Kyle Orton will complete a pass before the end of the first quarter.
Brandon Marshall. Repeat.
Who Was Rad?
Alphonso Smith was all over the field, locking his man down and tackling like the first-round draft pick most people predicted him to become. But hey, according to the trolls at denverpost.com, he's still a SHORT SLOW CORNER WHO WE TRADED OUR FRANCHISE QB FIOR!!!!111!
What Did I Drink?
Pabst Blue Ribbon Light, Miller Light, Guinness, Bulleit bourbon, Absolut Mandarin--which, by the way, is gnarly all by itself.