Thursday, May 7, 2009

Baseball In The Daytime: May 7 2009

Here are some games to chew on, that is if you're not already digesting the news that Manny is a filthy cheater. No wonder his hair grows so fast.

The day baseball schedule, after the jump...

Atlanta @ Florida, 10:10 Mountain These two NL East rivals get after it again today at Joe Robbie Pro Player Dolphins Stadium. Jair Jurjjens, whose grip on the baseball is only improved by his signature brand of skin lotion, takes on former Red Sox farmhand Anibal Sanchez, who once tossed a no-hitter but is constantly tormented by his girl name.

Pittsburgh @ St. Louis, 11:40 It's Wheel Of Fortune day at Busch IV, and the seamstresses who stitch up the starting pitchers' jerseys are going into extra innings. Do we still call people seamstresses? Ross Ohlendorf hurls for the Buccos, while Todd Wellemeyer does likewise for the Redbirds. I would like to buy a vowel, some peanuts and Cracker Jack, and an MLB-licensed pair of jockey shorts.

Seattle @ Kansas City, 12:10 In the City of Fountains, things are pretty swell today. The girls are a little prettier, the weather a little nicer, and it's all because the Kansas City Royals are still--still!--in first place. Joe Posnanski normally writes his annual obituary for the Monarchs right about now, but that piece is on hold indefinitely, as the KC pitching staff keeps rolling out quality starts. Last night Sir Sidney Ponson kept his demons at bay and Luke Hochevar in Omaha with seven-plus innings of one-run ball. Today Brian Bannister fingers the seams opposite the Mariners' Jarrod Washburn, while Bankmeister joyfully toys with a slider grip of his own.

San Francisco @ Colorado, 1:10 You have to hand it to these Giants, they keep coming at you. Like zombie robots. Even after the purple-clad Rox handed it to the G-Men and the Big Unit last night, San Fran refused to forfeit the rest of their season and will show up at Coors this afternoon, with their cups and gloves even. Matt Cain will try where Unit failed, and Jason Marquis goes for Colorado. Don't look now, but Marquis has been lights out (4-1. 3.31 ERA).

Texas @ Oakland, 1:35 Conventional wisdom at the onset of the season held that the A's would be surprise contenders while the Rangers would serve as doormats in the AL West. Well, if that actually happened it wouldn't be a surprise, would it? Looky here, champ, the surprise is actually that Texas can play a little ball (15-12 and first place). That, and Oakland just plain blows (9-16 and last). Phenom fireballers Brandon McCarthy and Trevor Cahill start for your road and home teams, respectively.

Arizona @ San Diego, 1:35 One might make the argument that Dan Haren has been the best pitcher in the National League thus far. One would lose that argument--not because the D'Bags awful offense has only scored enough to make Haren 3-3 but because Johan Santana also pitches on the Senior Circuit. Haren's still a top-flight ace, though, and sorely needed in Phoenix since Brandon Webb is currently sick, lame and/or lazy. Chris Young, the six-foot-ten, ex-NBA reserve, Princeton grad circus freak, is your Padres starter. Keep it off the middle of the dish, fellas, and Play Ball!

3 comments:

Cecil said...

I'm going with all of the above re: Webb.

GET OFF THE DL, YOU STOOGE.

bankmeister said...

And I'm going with a Kung Fu slider grip all of my own. Sweet joy, indeed.

old no. 7 said...

Be careful if the catcher signals for the knuckle curve. That hurts.

Circle change gets by in a pinch. And the old four-seamer never fails.