Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Making Sense of the Nonsensical

My first post on my new computer. Dude, it's totally a Dell. Beats the shorts off the free Mac I had been using, which was given to us (!) by one of my wife's co-workers and probably came backed up with Asian ladyboy porn (Ed. Note: it didn't actually arrive with, but leaving me, that's a different story) which was so slow that I'd type a sentence and have to wait for the words to appear. RIP, free computer. Now you're only good for scopin' free boobs.

So, sitting here listening to ex-Ram David Anderson impersonating Sonny Lubick on 104.3 The Fan. Priceless. I didn't think anyone could get the accent--a melange of Montana, Brooklyn and Sesame Street--quite right. I was wrong. I sure hope we sign him so we get a steady dose of this all season long. He's also a pretty sharp kid, and physically resembles Wes Welker but without all that pesky production.

On to the biggest issue facing Denver's favorite professional squad: what happens if they really do want to move Cutler?

After Doogie and Colonel Xanders screwed this whole recent episode up so badly--or didn't, depending--it's fair to wonder what, exactly, the future holds. Do they think that Cutler can't do it? Did they just prefer Cassel? Was the whole thing a public relations fuck-up? Or is there something about Cutler (drinky drinky attitude problem diabetes interceptions) that they just didn't like?

Given the Patriots-esque attitude toward the news media and Denver's new status as a one-paper town, we're not likely to ever really know what the people in charge were thinking. We do know this: they wanted to get rid of the starting QB. They also don't want to re-sign the backup, one Patrick Ramsey.

Which brings us, finally, to the point of this post. If no Cutler, what? They aren't going to make a play for Kurt Warner. Too old and expensive, like trying to make it with Mae West in 1963. Jeff Garcia freelances too much, has a wet kluski for an arm and is balding in an unseemly fashion. And on, and on--there simply aren't any non-draft options to fill the position.


This rumor is the single best alternative I've heard. It's also made up out of whole cloth and totally unreasonable. Yet Sports Illustrated dot com picked it up this a.m., so it's got legs and ain't going away any time soon.

Both of you, discuss.