Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Tradition-al Side Effects: Now What?

Now that the first massive wave of the Shanahan firing has crashed, it's time to investigate what will become of the once-proud AFC West in 2009. I mean, this changes everything. We already know that Denver has fired The Rat. We also know that former Chiefs GM Carl Peterson stepped down, and it's possible that his successor may wish to go in another coaching direction. We also know that Al Davis fired Lane Kiffin early in the season, and appointed Tom Cable as interim. The rumor coves are splashing with hints that Davis is interviewing other coaching prospects to replace Cable. And frankly, if the Chiefs had been able to not lose by one point to the Chargers in either of their meetings this year, or if Denver had hung on showed up to play the Chargers Sunday night, Norv Turner could very well be on the outs. And frankly, an early post-season San Diego exit could still spell his demise. The options for this division are pretty wide open right now, and we'll investigate a few after the jump.

We'll switch it up a bit and go with letters...

A) Let's say that the new Chiefs GM goes with a new head coach, and that the Chargers have little to no post-season success in the coming weeks, culminating in Turner's firing. Regardless of whether or not the Raiders replace Cable, that would mean that all head coaching positions in one division change in the same season. Has that ever happened? (Editor's Note: I'll leave it up to the more professional sports bloggers to do the research on that one, but I'm guessing that it hasn't.)

B) Let's go ahead and throw the Cowher possibilties out there:

It's possible that Denver could go after the Chin, be it in a GM form, a head-coaching position, or some combination, even though Cecil's uncle is saying not to anticipate the middle option. It's also possible that he return to Kansas City; his name hasn't been crossed off of Bob Gretz's list.

I have to think that a Cowher signing with either club would make fans of the other team shudder. Maybe.

C) There's another possibility that could rear its ugly head...

This one's far from likely from a Denver perspective. That is, I think it's safe to say that the Denver Broncos Football Club and Marty Schottenheimer have a mutually exclusive agreement to permanently hate one another. But I could be wrong. It's not impossible to envision the "Mar-ty! Mar-ty! Mar-ty! chants from within the confines of InVesCo. I know I'd certainly join in.

D) There's the possibility of either club signing Phil Savage. There's also the possibility of mass suicide in BroncoCountry or ChiefsNation, depending on the color of ink in which that deal is penned.

E) There's also the Scott Polian factor. Mr. Gretz informed the Tubes this morning that the Chiefs had been given permission to chat with him. Editorially speaking, if this guy's the top candidate, I'm saddened and embarrassed to say that running the corral in Denver is probably a more attractive gig for a largely desired guy like Polian. Can't hide from the truth.

F) Perhaps the most intriguing option would be this, though: We pool our talents. That's right. First, from Oakland...well, actually, we'll take nothing from Oakland. Next though, we take a slice of Turner's guruing abilities at coordinator of offensive unitologies, and perhaps we peel a lineman or a receiver out of the deal. We put Herm in that position he's never held -- it's called defensive coordinator -- and we meld Shanahan, Cowher and Marty into a many-faced, powerless-yet-all-powerful three-headed monster and take over the world league, an NFL-fearing AFC Westron, if you will.

It could happen.

But seriously, one thing needs to happen first and foremost, and that is this:

This guy

needs a job. And this guy

has one to give.

Make it happen, Patsy. Make. It. Happen. Then the Chiefs can get Pioli and Cowher, and turn the next decade of my existence into one giant orgasm. That would of course include a plethora of Lombardis and Bronco sweeps whilst getting there. Let's just say that that would give me

a raging clue.