Friday, November 7, 2008

Friday Morning Fracas: Another Denver Drive. Through Cleveland.

So maybe he did find his happy place. Maybe he has been in Kelly Clarkson's bathtub. I dunno. What I do know matters little, yet I'm happy to share it after the jump.

First and foremost, I cannot believe what a great game that turned out to be. Earlier in the week, I imagined that Denver would continue their woeful ways and outright lose. When Brady Quinn was named the starter, I then thought that the contest had a chance to go either direction in the form of a lopsided win for somebody. Never did I imagine there would be so many lead changes, and a last-minute victory for the team that was trailing.

Second of all, without really viewing the game, I think Quinn's numbers are impressive for a rookie debut, even if it was against the Bailey-brotherless Denver defense.

Third, how does Romeo Crennell manage to stay employed? For that matter, how does Marvin Lewis. Oh, and of course Herm Edwards. Now, I don't mean to single out African-American coaches, but I do mean to single out coaches that would appear to be downright awful. Speaking of downright awful, Denny Green! He was in the ESPN radio booth with some other turkey calling the game last night. He sounded pretty intelligent, and did a pretty good job, even though his throat sounds like it has tepid applesauce and the contents of an ashtray swirling around in there. I really enjoyed the exchange that went like this, though:

Other turkey: "It's possible that Cutler has the strongest arm in the league. Coach what do you think (Editor's Note: Though I use quotes, I'm paraphrasing from memory.) about that?"

Denny Green: "Well, I know he likes to brag about his arm and say it's stronger than John Elway's. I coached John Elway. His arm is nowhere near as strong as John Elway's."

On the next play, a hook pattern, Green added: "See, it might appear that that was a strong throw, but the receiver was coming back to him, which distorts it."

What? What's Denny's beef with JayJams? I don't get it. Is he not who Denny thought he was?

Next is about fantasy. I drafted Jay Cutler pretty early, and so far he's done a lot of what I asked of him: pile up huge numbers and lose the game. Last night really pissed me off, Jayseph. I might have to bench you in favor of Jeff Garcia or something gay like that. Let's remember the second part of the deal: lose the game, jerkface.

Finally, and most important of all is this: Eat rat poison and fail to vomit while your stomach gnaws itself away, NFL Network. No really, choke down some Mr. Clean with a Clorox back. Want me to pay extra money for Thursday night games because you're a money-grubbing prick of an organization? Fuck. Off.

Oh, and there was Brandon "T.O., Jr." Marshall's post-game sob story. With sunglasses. Yo, B-Marsh, next time you step on a McDonald's bag, please make sure it's in front of a moving bus, you raging tool. (Note: Once we come across the StubTube footage, we'll upload it.)

(Update: Larry Brown Sports has this one, which isn't the one I was looking for, but it'll do for now.)

(Update II: Okay. Some dingleheimer put this together, which is just dandy, save for the fact that there's only two seconds of T.O., Jr. weeping at the podium with shades.)

(props to Westword)


Cecil said...

Give Brandon some credit.

He wasn't bitching about not getting the ball, he was moved by the election of our first African-American president.

And while I'm glad that Stokely was on the field to prevent the inevitable 15-yarder, I'll take a politically conscious gesture over Sharpie masturbation or the Inverted Vagina Symbol any day of the week.

Particularly if I share the politics in question. If it had been, say, Jared Allen whippin' off his blouse to show his new Palin 2012 stomach tattoo, I'd have thrown a bottle through the TV.

bankmeister said...

Oh, yeah. Brandon Marshall. Credit. You bet.

Dylan said...

Therein lies the reason no political "gestures" allowed... the other 46% despise them.
Just keep it at shameless, self promotion and noone gets hurt.