Thursday, May 8, 2008

Baseball In The daytime: 5-8-08

On this Thursday, Major League Baseball's docket of games played sans electric illumination is diverse. There are first place teams and last place teams, good pitchers and bad pitchers, fat kids, skinny kids, even kids with chicken pox.

What I'm saying is, there are a lot of games. Six to be exact. And I don't have a coherent theme to tie them all together. Shit, yesterday I had a pounding headache and a gerbil in my throat and I came up with something...

San Francisco @ Pittsburgh, 10:35 Mountain The Battle For The Honor Of Matt Morris concludes today at the confluence of the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio Rivers. Morris was a washed-up old hack pulling down an eight-figure salary from the Giants last year when Brian Sabean snookered the Pirates into taking him on. After really, really blowing throughout April, Pittsburgh released him a couple weeks back. Who looks dumber? Find out today, as Matt Cain and Paul Maholm toe the same rubber Morris once did.

San Diego @ Atlanta, 11:00 If funny pitcher names are your thing, it doesn't get much better than Wilfredo Ledezma versus Jo-Jo Reyes. In fact, I'm pretty sure The Wilfredo And Jo-Jo Fun-Time Comedy Revue is the highest-rated television series in Honduras. True story.

Cleveland @ NY Yankees, 11:05 The star of this show is human growth hormone. Numerous Yankees have either fessed up or been named in the Mitchell Report, and today's Indian starter Paul Byrd made a tear-filled confession amidst the Tribe's defeat of the Yanks in last year's ALDS. Mike Mussina, who'll get the ball for the Bombers, may be clean. He does hate black people. I have no idea how he feels about Indians.

Minnesota @ Chicago White Sox, 12:05 At one point early in the history of this nation, Chicago was a remote outpost on the edge of civilization, the northern- and westernmost place a settler could go without being ingested by grizzly bears. Little did anyone know, however, that Swedish Vikings were living it up at the headwaters of the Mississippi river, site of present day Minneapolis. What's any of this have to do with Ozzie Guillen and inflatable fuck dolls? Good question. Kevin Slowey and John Danks start, you decide.

St. Louis @ Colorado, 1:05 The Rockies' feeble defense of their NL pennant continues, and now they're finding pitchers in the Westword personal ads: ISO available swarthy gentlemens, Hi K rates, Lo ERA, drug and disease free. Well, that last part's negotiable. This afternoon's lucky bachelor is Jorge De La Rosa, recently of the Brewers but, let's be honest, he's pitched everywhere. Badly. He'll engage in warfare with Kyle Lohse.

Philadelphia @ Arizona, 1:40 One might call this a Clash Of Aces, but then one might have his frame of reference stuck in 2006. Brandon Webb is indeed the ace of the home D'Bags, and he's the early favorite for the NL Cy Young award. Brett Myers, however, is a shell of his once-dominant self. His velocity is shot and he looks like a marmot. Lucky for him, he's got a woman that don't talk back.

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9 comments:

Cecil said...

Apropos of nothing: you know what rules? Vulturing wins with middle and late relievers. Too bad I'm doing it versus one of the weakest teams in the league...

What, we weren't talking about our fantasy baseball?

No one cares?

Oh.

Unknown said...

Where do you get off saying Mussina hates black people? Buzz Bissinger is ashamed of you.

old no. 7 said...

It's an old story, I'll look for the attribution.

old no. 7 said...

OK...way back when, at the height of the John Rocker controversy, Peter Gammons wrote an ESPN.com piece that included this morsel:

"What Rocker said was unforgiveable. But the fact is, every team has heard similar diatribes those from small towns across America have about New York City. One of the game's best pitchers, a sophisticated, intellectual graduate of one of the world's finest universities, has splattered teammates with similar comments and boasts that he will never play without a no-trade clause to the two New York teams."

Rob Neyer later outed Mussina as Gammons' anonymous racist. Mussina, who played for the Orioles at the time, went to Stanford.

Link

So now I say that Mussina hates black people. I also say that Brett Myers beats his wife--I can get you that background info if you need it.

mike mussina said...

mike mussina

i read your entire post. i do not hate black people. you hate black people. your link only makes you look foolisher.

thank you.

mike mussina

Unknown said...

For the record, that was not me. Me thinks Rustoleum or Cecil. Rustoleum because of the Jason Whitlock incident, or Cecil because he hates American, old ladies, and dogs.

Cecil said...

Colonel Steve

Cecil does not hate dogs. That only makes you look like you hate dogs. I am a dog.

Colonel Steve

Cecil said...

By the way, was it black folks or the chosen people that Mussina hated? For some reason, I thought the latter.

Or maybe it was both. He did have a lot of versatility in his youth.

Unknown said...

Poppycock! Mussina seems like a nice enough guy, and while that doesn't disqualify him from being a racist, a leaked Gammons source doesn't necessarily convince me that he is.

Anti-semetic for sure though, he has that look in his eye.

Just like Cecil when he's around harmless little puppies.