Wednesday, August 15, 2007

We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: The Dog Days of Summer

Much to my disappointment, my motion to run a WAHCW feature containing cross dressers and dwarfish black man boys was vetoed by my colleagues. Man, those guys are buzzkills. That movie "Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead" should've included the tagline "continue not having fun," 'cause those Bronco fans just won't let me have any. Suffice it to say, sullen reader, that you must endure another non-funny, but perhaps stimulating in some other way, installment of nips and hoo-has. Life sure is a drag.

Nevertheless, it is hot out. I'm certain Hell's living room feels chilly compared to a Kansas City home with an a/c on the fritz in August. Well, the thing's fixed now, but we're sitting at a cool 92 degrees indoors, and it'll likely take all night to simmer down, making my evening of Hard Knocks a little harder than I'd hoped. Nevertheless, today's talent displays an array of ideas one might use to beat the heat. Let's look in and learn.



Anita Dark




Miss Dark is no dummy. When out on the vista, far from the aid of trees, seek random blue uprights for your source of shade. Works every time.


Carolina Marconi




Miss Marconi says heck with the outdoors. Her approach to the overbearing summer days is to stay inside. In her underwear. Apparently, her air conditioning unit works just fine, too. Lucky gal.


Camillas Joberg





Wardrobe selection is crucial to Camillas Joberg's comfort as well. She'll be the first to tell you that materials like silk and anything else that feels slightly chilly against the skin is key to staying cool.


Caterina Murino




Those of you gifted with higher intelligence might appreciate the handiwork of Miss Murino. She's concocted this non-view-obstructing apparatus that conducts cool air via the special freon ring around her chair's plexi-glass tube. Nobel Prize? In fiction, maybe.


Jessica DiFeo




The lovely Jessica seeks out colder-than-usual fixtures in the house, against which she presses her dazzling figure. Like the tub for example. I always call it a good day when I've had time to lean up against frigid pieces of bathroom furniture.


Rocio Guirao Diaz





This woman not only has a fascinating name, she endures bizarre tactics in an effort to stay comfortable. Miss Diaz has this table/wall combo custom installed solely for the sake of its frosty material.




Of course, the cat-suit-with-the-glass-of-ice-water-near-the-crotch solution has been viable for centuries, too. Brrr.


Marta Gut





The lovely Marta wasn't graced with the suavest of last names. Her style more than makes up for it, though. Miss Gut says "These boots are made for walkin', and, on a side note, they make one heck of a comfortable outfit."


Athena Lundberg




Every pack of good examples will contain the epitomal bad seed. Miss Lundberg, even on the scorchinest day of the swelteringest summer, hangs by the fire. In a sweater no less. To each his/her own; that's just not my style. And I'm not going to be the guy to tell her what to do. Unless of course, she wants me to.


Lindsey Vuolo





Miss Vuolo knows that one of the best ways to cool off is to just chill in the air-conditioned confines of her favorite watering hole. As a regular, she always gets good service and staff always has a refreshing beverage prepped on ready for her upon her arrival.


Carmen Electra




Ah, Carmen. Being the traditional gal that she is (Editor's Note: For the purposes of this post, we'll imagine she never married/banged any well-endowed rock stars or cross-dressing NBA rebound kings.), she's content with the good old-fashioned stroll on the beach.




Sometimes, the sun's rays are too intense, though, and you've got to get a litte wet.





And of course, when all else fails, taking your top off is never a bad idea either.


Belen Rodriguez




This lovely Latina prefers borrowing from Miss Electra's book. Word has it, however, that she just cuts to the chase and gets wet from the get go. Game on!



Gemma Atkinson




Miss Atkinson is everywhere these days. And by everywhere, I mean cool and comfortable in her home. Dressed accordingly.




The great thing about her is that she has an outfit for every occasion.












And there you have it. Set for each day of the week is Miss Atkinson, and set for the rest of the summer are our beloved readers. Stay cool out/in there. It's a jungle.

Photos courtesy of Gorilla Mask and The Daily Niner.



2 comments:

Nathan said...

As usual, a fine job sir. It was 48F last night in New Brunswick.

I needed on them there ladies to keep me warm.

Cheers,

TLR

Commish CH said...

Ahh, the timeless classic that is one Carmen Electra.