Thursday, April 12, 2007

Say It Ain't So, Drew

Since the Open Letter has become the style of the times, I'd like to post one to Drew Bledsoe, who announced his retirement. There is clamoring from Lone Reader for an NHL playoff preview, which we will not provide. Dude, you live in fucking Canada. Doesn't someone up there do that shit? The playoffs already started, anyway--that ship has sailed.

I kid, I kid. We love our Reader(s). I'm sure Bankmeister is busily flunking out of school in order to deliver his predictions for this riveting spectacle. Don't forget his previous ruminations on this topic (what, like anything has changed?). And rest assured that I, your favorite HoG Farmer, will publish my own indepth analysis of why the Colorado Avalanche will capture their third Stanley Cup (what? you can't be serious! that's never happened!). It will be very positive, because I love the ice hockey and America Junior.

But back to Drew, who probably loved those last few paragraphs because he often lives near Canada himself. Dude, what are you doing? Retirement? How can you hang it up? Just because kids keep taking your gig? Trust me, Bledsoe, you've still got it. No one can freeze a rope like you, sir. Well, almost no one, but he's a superhuman sex machine. Your class and composure in the face of adversity is a beacon to all of those up-and-coming players who view you as a role model.

By the way, is it "role model" or "roll model?" I've seen it both ways, but that’s probably because I read a lot of sportswriting and people that write about sports are fucking retarded.

So please, Drew, reconsider. There are many, many, many teams that could use the services of a mistake-proof, level-headed leader such as yourself. Don’t worry about some other punk stealing your job—none of those moves have worked out. You're a smart guy, Drew--for the love of Mike, you matriculated at Washington State--and you're the prototype 21st-century QB. You're mobile, elusive, and in possession of a thick skin. It ain't time for golf just yet.


2 comments:

blairjjohnson said...

I think it's clearly been proven that living near Canada is eons away from living in it. And I'm not sure that people that write about sports are retarded. I write about sports; I'm not retarded.

You still coming over to watch that UFC tonight? I'm counting on you. My mom will be pissed if I don't have someone to chip in on the Pay-Per-View bill. Don't forget to bring my Bon Jovi box set back, either. I so have another mix to make.

Unknown said...

I don't know, man, northern Maine has french immersion programs and Tim Horton's. That's pretty Canadian.

I beg for the hockey preview because I've begun to sense a slight Canadian bias in the CONSTANT FUCKING HOCKEY COVERAGE up here (see TSN website. You may loathe ESPN, as I often have, but TSN will quickly change your perspective.) I'm just lookin' to hear from some folks who don't say Habs every-other-goddamned word. They didn't make the damn playoffs, man. Get the fuck over it. On a side note, it was wonderful watching both the Leafs and the Habs fall last week.

It's sad to see Drew go. I kinda figured the Chiefs would pick him up. They like slow, ol' QBs.