Saturday, April 28, 2007

God Bless Ted Nugent


Jesus, I love this country.

Not in the “Love It Or Leave It” nationalistic madman sense, but I really have a deep appreciation for how awesome America is. Sure, our leadership is a mess, and we don’t care about anything of substance, and we have a million problems.

But you can turn on just about any shower faucet in this country and hot water comes out. You can turn on most any TV and find out if your baseball team won a game, and what laws Ron Mexico is currently in violation of (hell, I was in Mexico and I had no idea until Cecil gave me the heads-up). And we have vast quantities of readily available, affordable food that will give you a solid bowel movement the next morning.

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some travel, expecially the international jet-setting my lofty financial setting affords me. But when it comes to the business of being a sports fan (and pooping), I’ll take the good old U.S. of A.

This gives me the opportunity to also say Fuck Canada. My virulent bias against that nation knows no bounds, and I’ve held back long enough. Canada, I hate you and all you stand for. Even if my stupid government lacks the balls to engage in the easily winnable war to overtake your vast resources, I am launching verbal salvos via the House of Georges’ weapons of ass destruction. No longer will your ham/bacon and God-awful music go unpunished.

Enjoy your draft coverage—I’ll remain on the sidelines and leave it to the experts.

4 comments:

blairjjohnson said...

I trust that no clarification is needed that when you say experts, you mean Cecil.

old no. 7 said...

Yes, Cecil, and Stu Scott of course.

old no. 7 said...

My assessment of the top two picks:

1. Oakland. Jah Marcus has impressive physical talents, just like Kyle Boller. I think this will be a disaster, with many interceptions along the way.

2. Calvin Johnson. The draft's best player is going to get a lot of money, which he should take to a dentist. His teef are fucked up something good. I hope he plays angry, because when he smiles it is not good.

Unknown said...

Why you gotta have so much hate, man?